r/AskMen Sep 26 '22

How much does a girls weight actually matter to you when you are dating them?

[deleted]

3.8k Upvotes

7.2k

u/oddball667 Male Sep 26 '22 Gold Helpful Wholesome

If she is past a threshold I can't feel attraction for her, and in that case dating is not worth our time

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u/printzoftheyak Sep 27 '22 edited Sep 27 '22

this is the right answer.

people think that you're shallow or you're a bad person or something just because you're not attracted to someone.

it's okay to have standards. don't ever let anyone make you think what YOU like is wrong, as long as it isn't harmful to anyone.

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u/iTAMEi Sep 27 '22

It's not even a standard I've consciously set. I just won't feel attraction.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22 edited Sep 27 '22

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u/Maybeyesmaybeno Sep 27 '22

I know this might be unusual, but I always say when someone asks me about my sexual orientation, that I’m straight, so far. I always leave it open for the possibility that I might meet someone of my same gender that I’m sexually attracted to. It hasn’t happened yet, it might never happen, but it could.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

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u/Maybeyesmaybeno Sep 27 '22

Funnily enough, my wishy-washyness extends to most of my life. My first ever post inspired it, a question about people’s religious beliefs and whether god exists or not.

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u/JillandherHills Sep 27 '22 edited Sep 27 '22

I had a friend who was so mad at a guy friend of hers for “only dating younger girls.” Except, he was simply dating whoever he was attracted to (older or younger) and I mentioned that. And her reply was well if he’s OK dating older girls why doesn’t he date so and so ( naming a specific person)? I tried to explain that he wasn’t attracted to her, plain and simple and she kept doubling down asking “well why not?? Its because shes older!! Men are so disgusting and prejudice!” It was absolutely bonkers that she accused him of being ageist just because he didnt date a specific older woman, who for the record, was ugly as a decomposing goat.

It later became clear that she was projecting her own anger at the fact men wouldn’t date her and coped with it by accusing them all of hating older women. It was sad. Gosh she was toxic.

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u/GeneralizedFlatulent Sep 27 '22

I mean there's a point where younger girls can be a problem like if you are past the age of consent but the girls you're attracted to are not, there's things about age where it's a bit different than other physical things

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u/JillandherHills Sep 27 '22

Obviously but they were all in their late twenties. It had nothing to do with that. He was dating girls 2 years younger and she was mad he wasnt dating someone a year older, who mind you, he just wasnt attracted to.

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u/FaxCelestis Male, 38, Father of 3, Divorcee Sep 27 '22

That's not even an age gap worth calling "older" or "younger"! If you were in high school at the same time, you're close enough to the same age that it doesn't really matter.

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u/SelectFromWhereOrder Sep 27 '22

Yeah, people need to realize, our mind is almost like a black box. You don’t know where most of the decisions were made. Like, which is your favorite movie? Did your brain actually went through all the movies you’ve watched? Probably not, your brain just showed you one or two options.

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u/emo_bassist Sep 27 '22

Yeah there's nothing wrong with that at all you are not obligated to feel attraction to someone just because they are overweight.

It's not shallow it's just not what you feel and by being forced to feel a certain way is no just as bad

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u/lightly_salted_fetus Sep 27 '22

Tbh it’s not even “standards” per se as it’s more im just not physically attracted to a certain size. No matter how hard I try I’m just not interested.

Anyway, size isn’t a massive issue for me in the grand scheme of things

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u/K3R3G3 Sep 27 '22

Yep. It seems to be selective understanding for some people when it comes to attraction. You don't choose who, you simply either feel it or you don't.

Examples: It's unlikely someone will get mad at you for not being attracted to the opposite sex if you've told them you're gay/lesbian. But if it's a matter of transgender or race or weight, someone might try to shame you for it. That's what I've seen anyway.

You're not obligated to date or hook up with anyone lol

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u/NathanialJD Sep 27 '22

100% weight is an important factor to most people. Personally Im only attracted to heavy set men (I'm gay). Skinny guys are an actual turn off for me 🤷. I never asked to be this way i just am.

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u/Evenbiggerfish Sep 27 '22

No! Force yourself to be attracted to them!! Or fake it! I’m sure they’d love that!

For real tho, in dating it’s ok to be discerning on stuff like this. There’s a BORU where a guy is having trouble with his marriage because he heard his wife settled for him and now he’s torn apart that she’s not attracted to him.

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u/azbeltk Sep 27 '22

what's a BORU?

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u/Evenbiggerfish Sep 27 '22

Best of reddit update. It’s a sub where people post the consolidated updates and original posts for things that people want to know. Like let’s say someone posts “I think my spouse is cheating” and you wonder how it ends. Then two months later they post again but you might never see that. This sub is for posts where they bring closure (usually) to posts. Usually it’ll be a random redditor who posts to the sub, tho.

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u/hdksjabsjs Sep 27 '22

Lol once I met someone who actually believed heterosexual people were homophobic if they didn’t try dating the same sex. You can’t judge other people for their preferences

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u/Miserable-Ad-8608 Sep 27 '22

Not even standards. People are attracted to certain things and if excess weight isn't one of those things, that's ok.

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u/axob_artist Sep 27 '22

people think that you're shallow or you're a bad person or something just because you're not attracted to someone.

If a woman can have a preference on height, men can have a preference on weight.

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u/ContrarianQueen17 Sep 27 '22

God, THIS. People always give me shit when I say I'm not attracted to short men. I'm allowed to have preferences.

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u/MoistestMoose Sep 26 '22

Fitness is a big part of my life so I want my SO to be in at least healthy shape. If you're talking about an actual number on a scale than it doesn't matter unless it's obviously too high. You can have two girls the same height but 40 lbs apart in weight but the heavier girl have a much better figure and be more athletic. It widely depends on how you carry your weight and the composition of muscle and fat. So all in all weight itself is not a major factor as long as it's a healthy weight. If anything it's shape and how your weight is carried.

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u/sandefurd Sep 27 '22

Yeah I'm guessing this applies to everyone.

Nobody cares how much you weigh unless it starts to significantly affect your attractiveness. At that point, of course they care

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u/Dovahkiinthesardine Sep 27 '22

you'd be surprised how many people solely focus on the number on the scale for their own attractiveness though, getting super discouraged that they are gaining weight when working out

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u/Rude-Arm3114 Sep 27 '22

For real. And a lot of people are terrible at guessing weight. I'm 125 pounds and 5'3 - one of my friends was complaining because she wanted to be 110 pounds (she was 115 at the time) and was SHOCKED that I weigh 125 pounds. I'm extremely active (have been called "jacked" before) but also have um...decent sized assets, so I think that's why I weigh more than people expect.

Had an ex who was technically obese by his weight. Dude was just super muscular. And had an ass bigger than mine, which was very humbling.

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u/tombola345 Sep 27 '22

so basically what you're saying is ass shape > ass size

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u/Coidzor A Lemur Called Simon Sep 27 '22

Yes, but you need enough size to be able to have an appreciable shape, so there's minimum thresholds on both sliders.

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u/panda_burrr Female Sep 27 '22

Same. I work out and go to the gym a lot. I also climb and go hiking almost every weekend - I want someone who can enjoy these things with me. If you're out of breath after 2 miles into the hike, then we probably aren't going to be compatible in the long run, regardless of how much you weigh.

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u/Voi_Ta Sep 27 '22

This. I think people focus on the number on scale to much. But in the end, it is just a product of other characteristics that really matter. Muscle mass, fat mass, posture, mass distribution. Part of this is genetics (rare fat chicks with rather flat stomach and big breasts), but mostly it is about what you eat and how you move. You can even move more to the hourglass figure shape when you train shoulders and legs.

I believe almost anybody can look at least normal when doing things right. 80% people 30+ look bad, and mostly this is because of a complete neglect of their body.

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u/MarudePoufte Sep 27 '22

Exactly, no one ever guesses my weight accurately and I get asked where I work out all the time because ‘I’m in such good shape’. I’m honestly just prone to muscle build and also have curves in the right places. The numbers don’t actually matter as long as you’re healthy and still find yourself attractive, confidence speaks volumes

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u/hujambo11 Sep 26 '22

It always matters. Everyone has a range which they will accept as attractive.

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u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22 Silver

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u/ygduf Male Sep 27 '22

Can we, can we share a rowboat? Could a rowboat support her? Would she fit in a rowboat, Phyllis?

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

No, ok, she can't fit in a rowboat

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u/heauxdown Sep 27 '22

DAMMIT Phyllis

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u/heauxdown Sep 27 '22

It bothers me that you’re not answering the question.

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u/OtherwiseInclined Sep 26 '22

I heard some guys say: "if I give her a hug and my hands can't meet on the other side, she is probably not a gal for me." but I don't know if I agree. I just need to find her attractive, which is a mix of many factors, the weight itself is not the problem.

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u/zizuu21 Sep 26 '22

I hugged a chick on a date, and my hands can reach, but i did notice i was reaching around a fair bit. Each to their own.

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u/SupremeElect what are you doing, step-bro??? Sep 26 '22

but when you’re in a storm, any port is revered.

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u/peeaches Sep 26 '22

I'd rather stay undocked tbh, lol

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u/misplaced_my_pants Sep 27 '22

Less a rule I set for myself than something I've observed to be true for me: I've never been attracted to someone with a waist measurement greater than their hips (not literally measuring them but just eyeballing).

Ideally the waist is at least less than their hips, but some women are built fairly rectangular which can still be hot when they're relatively fit.

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u/Coidzor A Lemur Called Simon Sep 27 '22

Yep, waist-hip ratio is important.

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u/rowinit Male Sep 26 '22

Rules of dating:

  1. Be attractive
  2. Don’t be unattractive

Addendum: rules 1 & 2 are only with regard to the people dating each other. How everyone else views you is irrelevant.

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u/Coidzor A Lemur Called Simon Sep 26 '22 Silver Gold Bravo!

Weight is irrelevant.

Whether she is fat is.

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u/horrorboii Sep 26 '22

I'm not fat so I prefer someone not fat either. What's on the scale doesn't matter

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22 edited 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

I'm interpreting this as you saying that you are an actual husky dog. You tried being a thin human. Even tried being a muscular one. But nah, it's was always furry opera singer for you.

Do not contradict this assumption.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22 edited 23d ago

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

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u/jmora13 Sep 26 '22

Right dude, a death by snu snu type girl is 100% okay

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u/SuckMyExhaust Sep 26 '22 Starstruck

Zapp Brannigan approves.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/James-Avatar Sep 26 '22

The spirit is willing but the body is spongy and bruised.

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u/southern_boy Sep 27 '22

I never thought I'd die like this... but I always really hoped! 😄

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u/nmatff Sep 26 '22

I'm ready to be She-Hulked

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u/That_guy_ash245 Sep 26 '22

Saaaaaaammmeee

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u/BlackStonks Sep 26 '22

I am terrible at guessing women’s weight. It’s more about shape / build.

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u/LikesYouProne Sep 27 '22

That's because a 200lb woman who is 6'5" is not the same as a 200lb woman that's 4'9".

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u/gameaholic12 Sep 26 '22 Heartwarming

Little chunky? That’s completely fine. Enough fat to be causing diabetes, high cholesterol and other health impacts? Gonna be telling the gf to go the gym together. I want her to be healthy more than anything else.

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u/Neighbourhoods_1 Sep 26 '22 Starry

Gonna be telling the gf to go the gym together.

unless you're an athlete, you're not gonna outwork a bad diet

being healthy starts in the kitchen

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u/gameaholic12 Sep 27 '22

Oh I honestly thought I mentioned healthier eating but guess I didn’t lol. You’re completely right. It’s the best when you can incorporate both into your life tho

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u/curiously_clueless Sep 27 '22

'You can't outrun the fork', as they say.

This is true, but after you've consistently started working out and seen how little calories you burn, you start getting really judgey about the foods you eat. Like that cheese danish can fuck right off, thanks.

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u/bee-sting Sep 27 '22

as someone who isnt watching their weight, tell me more about this cheese danish

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u/letsgocrazy Sep 27 '22

It's not even 'judgey' - exercise causes a positive feedback loop where you simply do not crave as much bullshit but you do crave better foods.

People always forget this when they talk about the relationship between exercise and diet.

Exercise also gives you the physical energy and motivation to cook something nicer, and not just throw a pizza in the oven.

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u/paulc19802 Sep 27 '22

Being healthy starts in your head.

Most overweight people have emotional baggage of some kind.

Source.. me whenever I get overweight.

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u/SpatchCockedSocks Sep 27 '22

YES.

You can’t exercise your way past a shitty diet. Dieting is a short term fix for a long term problem. The long term problem is in your head. I don’t care who you are, if you’re constantly overeating, there’s something wrong upstairs.

Wanna lose weight and keep it off? Get yourself right in the head FIRST.

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u/Feralpudel Sep 27 '22

Yeah but I find I’m more mindful of how I eat when I’ve got a good exercise routine going.

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u/Nice-Tea-8972 Sep 26 '22

see, but like you said going to gym TOGETHER. which i find incredibly awesome. it really helps with motivation and togetherness. not like pointing at her and saying you go to the gym. i like that.

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u/Growle Sep 26 '22

How to manage this sort of thing with a long distance relationship 🤔? I love my girl and want her to be healthy but I don’t want to seem like I’m tryin to control her life.

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u/gameaholic12 Sep 26 '22

Or you could start slow and go on walks together. Studies showed that even like 30 min - 1 hr walks massively improves cardiovascular health. Maybe you guys can call or FaceTime so it’s like a nice part of the day to spend some time chatting.

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u/Nice-Tea-8972 Sep 26 '22

Yeah, long distance would be tough. but maybe set days you both go to the gym on the same days around the same time and then report back? ive never been long distance, but i would totally be open to that if i was.

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u/Ndaacwks Sep 26 '22

“Hey, I’m doing this fitness challenge for myself where I go to the gym on X days, would you like to make a challenge between us?”

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u/Theyrealltakenusers Sep 27 '22

My ex actually did this once, i had no motivation so he found a way to make it a competition between us which really has helped me become much more athletic. We arent together anymore but man am i thankful that competitive thing got me into being athletic 🙏🙏

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u/gameaholic12 Sep 26 '22

Well of course it’s gotta be together. I go to the gym WAY MORE consistently when I have a gym buddy to motivate me and keep me accountable. Plus, it’s always more fun to go together, can help her with form, and hopefully also take off pressure (cuz I remember my first time alone made me really nervous lol)

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u/isthathot Sep 26 '22 Gold

Do you take into consideration that they're more than likely going to gain weight as they got older

Controversial opinion I know, but little chunky in your 20s usually leads to proper fat fat in your 40s

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u/jordanmindyou Sep 27 '22

I know it’s coming eventually, but I’ve been told for the last 16 years (I’m 32 now) “enjoy it while you can! Pretty soon you’re gonna be fat, there’s no escaping it! Happens to everyone as they get older!”

Meanwhile I’m 32 and weigh the same as I did towards the end of high school, maybe a little more from gaining some muscle. (5’10, 150-160 lbs)

And I’ve seen skinny old people, honestly much more than I see fat old people. Something about being 50+ and overweight really seems to start treating folks like they’re in squid game….

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u/Zealousideal_Mall218 Sep 27 '22

Oh you've just reminded me. I work with my husband and one of the other men on site was pissed off with me because he didn't like what I was asking him to do (I was in charge and just getting him to follow the law) so he goes over to my husband and says (loud enough for me to hear!) "They all get fat eventually". My poor husband was in shock and I'm still laughing that it was the best that idiot could come up with.

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u/Concavegoesconvex Sep 27 '22

There are studies that suggest that until our 60s, total energy expenditure is almost purely set by active energy spending, while the base metabolic rate (how much you burn at rest) barely changes. So people getting heavier as they're getting older is until your 60s or 70s pretty much is them being more sedentary.

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u/fireintolight Sep 27 '22

It just what people say to make themselves feel like they had no choice in it. People love taking no responsibility for their looks.

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u/gameaholic12 Sep 26 '22

Yup, I’m kinda chunky rn at 24 lmao. I’m trying to exercise and eat better because I know the more I take care of my health rn, my 30s and 40s future self will thank me now for doing so. At the very least, I try to walk like a mile or two a day just to get some active steps in.

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u/jordanmindyou Sep 27 '22

Everyone told me to get an office job, but ngl Im glad a couple times a week that I work a physical job and walk around 20,000 steps/9 miles a day, on hilly ground, and carry machines around with me and lift things over my head constantly. Built up some nice muscles and stamina also as a bonus, plus I’m outside for every single nice day of the year. The next two weeks look like they’re gonna be pretty amazing weather wise, this is a really good time of year to work outside doing physical stuff

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u/SuccumbedToReddit Sep 27 '22

That's going to take its toll yet again 10-20 years down the line

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u/Snow-of-the-Frost Male Sep 26 '22

Ngl . This is reasonable. Stay awsome brother 😎😂

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u/drew8311 Sep 26 '22

It's only irrelevant because the end result of what she looks like is all that matters, but there is a correlation of weight and likelihood of her being attractive. Just as an example, if she is 200+lbs there is a good chance I won't be interested if I had to bet on it, but there will be some counterexamples but they are few.

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u/lukayaa Sep 26 '22

Spot on

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u/LonelyLokly Sep 27 '22

Spot on, my dude. My SO is 176 cm / 65-70 kg (5,7 feet / 140-150 pounds). I can grope her here and there, but she isn't even close to being fat, which is the only thing I need.

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u/coolwater85 He/Him/Bruh Sep 26 '22

I had a gf in college that was an inch shorter than me (I’m 6’1”) and she weighed 195 (about 15 lbs heavier than me).

She was so damn sexy, and everywhere we went, guys hit on her all the time. I lost count of how many fists bumps I got from random guys telling me she was “the hottest woman in here.”

Weight is irrelevant. Sexiness is everything.

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u/fireintolight Sep 27 '22

Well 195 on 6”1 is not that big, especially if she even barely worked out

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u/Fuck_love_inthebutt Sep 27 '22

That's why this question is kind of silly. Weight on different heights, especially on women, can look very different.

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u/Kostya_M Sep 27 '22

I mean the logical answer is that it's not a simple scale number. It's an overall ratio. The same is true for men. A 5' 8" 200 lb guy will probably look a lot different than the same weight at over 6 feet tall, assuming similar activity levels.

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u/IggysPop3 Sep 27 '22

Can honestly say, I’ve never thought of fist bumping someone because their girlfriend is hot. But, I guess that’s a thing?

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u/coolwater85 He/Him/Bruh Sep 27 '22

It was back in the 00’s. I’m old.

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u/howdoufeelaboutsnail Sep 26 '22

Right I’m 150lbs but a size 6 because im 5’8

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u/Call_of_Tculhu Sep 26 '22

I think that is what the OP mean. I doubt she wanted to know if you would date a body builder. Although maybe?

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u/Coidzor A Lemur Called Simon Sep 27 '22

Sure, but I also find that a lot of people either don't realize the point I made or need to be reminded of it every so often.

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u/chocolatechoux Sep 27 '22

At the same time it's true that a lot of people hyper fixate on specific numbers.

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u/Frankx888 Sep 26 '22

i think you speak for most of us.

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u/ziggybaumbaum Sep 26 '22

Truth hammer dropped

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u/Satansleadguitarist Sep 26 '22

The number is irrelevant, how she looks is what matters. If I'm attracted to her I couldn't care less what the actual number on her scale says.

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u/sammyhere Sep 27 '22

thicc chonk goddess vs walmart mobility scooter gals, big diff

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u/WeWander_ Sep 27 '22

Oh man I just fractured my foot and had to use one of those scooters for the first time ever last week. Felt so awkward!

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u/CarideanSound Sep 26 '22

not as much as her proportions

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u/kielbasa330 Sep 27 '22

36 - 24 - 36? Only if she's 5'3"

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u/IncoherentPenguin Sep 27 '22

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda,

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u/ultratunaman Sep 27 '22

Genuinely have no clue what my wife weighs. She's built perfectly.

So yeah weight doesn't matter. What a scale says doesn't mean much.

There is a point at which people don't find each other attractive though. That can be too fat, or too skinny. Either end of the spectrum can also be unhealthy.

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u/bannedinaday31 Sep 26 '22 edited Sep 28 '22 Gold

I’d never consider entering a relationship with very overweight women. Not attracted to it and no one will ever convince me I need to be. Doesn’t mean I won’t treat large women with respect she’s just out of my dating pool selection.

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u/Namwanbd2 Sep 26 '22 edited Sep 27 '22 Gold

This ☝ I dont understand why bigger girls/guys take offense when someone is not attracted to them. Not being attracted to someone isn't disrespectful.

Edit: Being hurt from a polite rejection is understandable. Being angry? Not so much.

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u/Kapps Sep 26 '22

Nobody takes offense to it other than Redditors taking offense that someone in their made up situation is.

And some Tumblr cray crays of course.

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u/ddh85 Male Sep 27 '22

Of course you have the double standard of how the overweight people wouldn't date other overweight people.

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u/SophiaPhilae Sep 27 '22

Rejections based on weight are far from being always polite lol. When you're fat you constantly get comments on it anyway, and you get treated very differently in general, not just in dating. It of course reinforces the causes of fatness, since you just internalize you're intrinsically disgusting and not worthy of consideration.

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u/kingjuicepouch Sep 27 '22

I saw a tiktok the other day about how women are so willing to date guys of every body type and it's so unfair how guys only go after women they're attracted to and my eyes rolled all the way back in my skull lmao.

Acting like it's a God given right that people have to be attracted to you is one of the dumber fat d takes I've seen in recent years

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u/Dealric Sep 27 '22

First of all they women arent willing to date any body type. They are just lying to themselves to make them feel better.

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u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22

I don't weigh that much.

But if I tried to date a girl who is heavier than me, she'd likely have a bigger problem with it than I would.

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u/grundig435 Sep 26 '22

I had a woman flat out tell me she wouldn’t date a guy who weighed less than her. At 155, that counted me out. She was very attractive, just had a bigger frame than me.

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u/TXOgre09 Sep 26 '22

Healthy matters more than weight. But I wouldn’t want to be with a woman bigger than me. There aren’t many.

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u/abqkat lady lurker Sep 27 '22

But healthy is a healthy weight, or at least intertwined with health. Yes, exceptions exist I'm sure, but overall, being overweight is not healthy for any of the body's organs or systems

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u/liberalsoperfectxoxo Sep 26 '22

A lot and I won't judge if a girl doesn't want to date a fat boy either

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u/Frankx888 Sep 26 '22

fair enough

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

I have a very hot bartender friend who told me she only dates chubby guys.

I have never been so disappointed to be not fat. =/

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u/jg1114 Sep 26 '22

I mean I feel I gotta be attracted to them physically to an extent but personality is king

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u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22

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u/Southern_vampire Sep 27 '22

I'm a woman and I say all the time "my love has eyes"! It does not make me shallow to require that My partner is Visually attractive to Me!

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u/mister_sleepy Sep 26 '22

Almost everyone—regardless of gender—has a point where someone—again regardless of gender—is too fat for them to find attractive.

That line is entirely subjective from person to person. It has a lot less to do with weight measured in kilograms and a lot more to do with body type, how someone carries their weight, and the other ways in which they present themselves.

That said, women are expected to look less fat than men. Women are told explicitly and implicitly that their worth is measured by their looks and against completely impossible media expectations.

For most straight men, “too fat” for the media is nowhere near the same as “too fat to date.” It’s like a league different. And the impact of other factors on appearance is often much more influential than weight.

Men will think a heavy girl with a good sense of fashion that flatters and good hygiene is less fat than perhaps her weight in kilograms would suggest.

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u/furman87 Sep 27 '22

I actually prefer a chubby girl. But chubby is a sliding scale and when you get to BBQ I am a bit out of my comfort zone.

Edit: BBW* but I'm leaving it because I think it's hilarious

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u/Allstar4thliner Sep 26 '22

It’s not the weight, it’s the shape of the weight. It’s more body shape than weight.

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u/ZoldyckProdigy Sep 26 '22 edited Sep 27 '22

Even beyond physical attraction alone my spastic ass is not about to spend all my free time looking for the next place to sit down i like adventures and going and doing things so if youre too big to have a good time on two feet thats a no go

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u/ZoldyckProdigy Sep 26 '22

But physically i dont want a stick figure i like a lil somethin to grab onto so anywhere in between these two things were good

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u/Freevoulous Sep 26 '22

honestly, Im perfectly ok with a little more weight if most of that weight is muscle. Just a while ago I watched Miss Universe rerun back to back with FMMA gala, and frankly some of the female MMA warrioresses were hotter than the models.

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u/Withnail- Sep 26 '22

I love curvy women, don’t mind a bigger girl, but my thing is this, you really don’t want to have to lift the belly to get to her fun zone.

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u/anxiousthrowaway0001 Female Sep 27 '22

Oh man I saw a post about this! Some lady said she got her husband to grab a broom to hold her belly fat up so they could have sex.

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u/nayesphere Sep 27 '22

That’s so disturbing

8

u/shhhhh_h Sep 27 '22

This used to be one of my jobs when I worked for a gynaecologist. Holding up fat rolls for pelvic exams and ultrasounds on the morbidly obese.

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u/EarthAngelGirl Sep 27 '22

I can smell this sentence and I don't like it.

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u/Shmusher3 Sep 26 '22 Helpful

That’s a gross visual that I was happier without

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u/washablememe Female Sep 26 '22

“Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot”

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u/ivegotgaas Sep 27 '22

I'm grossed out.

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u/Manuel225599 Sep 26 '22

One thing I'm still missing here is the lower end. Both, overweight and underweight women are unattractive to me. I don't want to count your bones through a thin layer of skin either. A healthy weight is key, a bit too much or too less is fine too, nobody is perfect. But both ends of the spectrum are dealbreakers for me.

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u/siltstriding Sep 27 '22

Interestingly this is the first comment I’ve read about underweight being unattractive. Pretty far down in the thread. I think that a girl with anorexia would have an easier time finding a bf than a girl with binge eating disorder

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u/Eatmorechips44 Sep 26 '22

Their actual weight doesn’t matter 😂 I don’t make them stand on a scale and if they’re over a certain number tell em to get out. It’s just if they’re visually very fat, I don’t mind a little fat but like morbidly obese is pushing it. I obviously have to be visually attracted to someone before dating 🤷‍♂️

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u/Desperate_Ambrose Sep 27 '22

My wife won't let me date.

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u/Fresh_Item_8956 Bane Sep 26 '22

Weight is alright, if I can’t give you a proper hug then we have a problem

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u/Spectreworld Sep 26 '22 Wholesome

If they are actively taking care of themselves then i dont care as long as they are clean and not doing anything that will kill them one day in front of me

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u/McDid Sep 26 '22

It doesnt really matter to me, though I do have an upper limit. I dont really find women who are very large attractive. Thats not to say they disgust me or anything, I just dont find them particularly attractive.

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u/kaanrivis Male Sep 26 '22

Healthy is important

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u/IncredibleTeacherMan Male Sep 26 '22 Wholesome Vibing

I thought it mattered a lot. Then i met my obese wife and realised it didn't matter at all.

I still want her to be slimmer, but for health reasons, not attraction. I want to have her for a long, long time.

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u/anothersuicidaladult Female Sep 27 '22

that’s so wholesome🥺

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u/PhillyBilly1987 Sep 26 '22

My wife is 4'11" and was about 100 Pounds when l met her. Now, 25 years later 5 kids....not 100 pounds. Still a goddess!!

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u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22

As a shallow low life, attractiveness matters. To add some depth it’s not exactly fair to someone to date and even marry them if you aren’t at all attracted to them.

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u/etorres4u Sep 26 '22

Look at this question from another perspective. Most people (women included) don’t like extremes such as People who are too skinny or too fat. Most are fine with women who look relatively healthy. A few pounds over or under don’t really matter.

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u/chiefbech Sep 26 '22

Her weight specifically doesn’t really matter but her lifestyle does. I like fitness, lifting, and martial arts. It keeps me in shape, keeps my mind sharp, and is fun to do. I would want a girl with somewhat similar interests. I like taking care of myself and I would want her to do the same.

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u/scottishfoldlover Sep 26 '22

Perfect answer. Both my brothers got with thin girls in their 20s thinking this was the important factor but by their 30s both women were obese because they had zero interest in health and fitness unlike my brothers who remained fit. Both couples separated.

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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat Sep 26 '22

I've always been attracted to thin/ slender girls. I was thin/slender myself for most of my youth.

Now I'm old and fat and STILL attracted to thin women.

I'm just not attracted at all to overweight people. I find myself unattractive too. And I don't expect others to be attracted to me.

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u/MisterrrTee Sep 27 '22

Realistic answer. Out of curiosity, ever consider getting in shape? Not that anyone should need to, to find someone… but like I said, just out of curiosity?

12

u/TheDevilsAdvokaat Sep 27 '22

I actually used to be. But I'm 60 now and have whole bunch of medical problems.

13

u/MisterrrTee Sep 27 '22

That’s fair… are any of them keeping you from trying to be active? If not even just walking a little further everyday and building up from there could help you feel better regardless of weight loss, even if it’s hard

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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat Sep 27 '22

Unfortunately yes, I am classed as disabled.

I do try to keep active anyway and walk to the shops when I can.

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u/Miserable-Ad-8608 Sep 27 '22

Eat very well and you'll have positive changes both physically and health wise. Wishing you good health and happiness.

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u/magpie1111 Sep 27 '22

I’m intrigued how you cope with the realities of aging and or medical issues. I think your perspective is probably very common. Everyone would want to be at their peak forever and date other people at their peak. Is attractiveness as important to you today as it was when you were young ? How does disliking your own body affect you and your relationships ? If the only people willing to be with you were as big as you would you rather be alone for the rest of your life ?

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u/IntroductionBasic587 Bane Sep 26 '22

Thick thighs save lives. I love all kinds of women, but due to my own weight insecurities and being extremely skinny, I tend to stick to ones that are in my weight class. But If a fit 6' goddess would want to make me her boy toy who am I to say no.

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u/Tanis740 Sep 26 '22

I'm a simple guy, to me a good heart and personality matter the most

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u/Standard_Hat6784 Sep 27 '22

On a scale from 1 to 100 it matters about 90.

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u/checco314 Sep 26 '22

It doesn't matter at all until it becomes unattractive, at which point it becomes the only thing that matters because nobody should date somebody who they aren't attracted to.

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u/I-farm-celery Sep 26 '22

A lot

I don’t like overweight women. Besides it being a physical turnoff for me there’s also the mental aspect of it that’s a turnoff for me as well

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u/ZevLuvX-03 Sep 26 '22

If he doesn’t like your figure someone else will.

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u/Darwins_GrabBag Sep 26 '22

Weight? None. Figure? 100%. If the curves are in the right spot with a pretty face. I'm down to wife up.

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u/nkw1004 Sep 26 '22

Weight is much less important to me than looks. I’ve met girls who are like 5’2” and weigh 160lbs but looks great because it’s all muscle

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u/bulletpr00fsoul Bane Sep 26 '22

weight fluctuates. it doesn’t matter.

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u/Colorado_Car-Guy Male Sep 27 '22

0%

I've dated thin women who take HORRIBLE care of their bodies and health.

And I've dated bigger women who are doing something to better their health.

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u/Sunewk Sep 26 '22

A lot. For me, weight seems to be a good-ish proxy for indicating a healthy life style and good mental health.

As someone who's into fitness and bodybuilding I couldn't be with someone who just doesn't take care of themselves.

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u/BallumBallum Sep 26 '22

It's not about weight It's about body fat

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u/Remote-Bookkeeper-99 Sep 26 '22

I think it comes down to the age old story of "preference". You can have a preference without putting down those that do not meet your preference. E.g. "I prefer blondes", does not mean brunettes are unattractive - they just aren't to you. I'd rather a guy was up front about preference as early as possible! I'm sure many would. No need to waste time. Interesting to read some of the comments though ☺️ (UK, female, plus size but on a weight loss journey rn) 👋

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u/Alaee19 Sep 26 '22

This! I remember when I was on tinder I put in my bio “am fat” and put full body pictures, and men STILL had the audacity to insult me over it.

If I’m not your type, cool that’s fine, I won’t shame you for it, I’m not most peoples type and that is OKAY. Just don’t be a dick about it. (Granted 90% of the comments on here are semi wholesome).

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u/Remote-Bookkeeper-99 Sep 26 '22

YUP! It's like you can CLEARLY see I'm not for you so why bother making me feel like shit for it?! 🙄😅

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u/tattoojunkie83 Sep 27 '22

This! I did the same thing when I was on dating apps. Then I met someone and he had the audacity to call me a catfish! Like dude, I told you I was fat.

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u/ALKRA-47 Male Sep 26 '22

If her personality is good and she’s not a bitch, not really!

After all, I myself am heavy and know not to judge books by their cover. Or at least that a book may not look the most appealing, but it can be a secret gem!

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u/randomzeus Sep 26 '22

"I love me a fat chick man. More cushin for the pushin."

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u/ParryThisYaCasual Sep 26 '22

If you are healthy I don’t mind. As long as you are happy and healthy.

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u/TheImpossiblePoster Sep 26 '22

I have a large range of things I find attractive, weight is not anywhere near the top of that list.

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u/sydneyzmushroomz Sep 26 '22

i wouldnt break up with anyone because of their weight but i wouldnt start a relationship with someone because of their weight also..............

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u/IronIylaa Sep 27 '22

Its not about the weight number, its about how they use it!

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u/servical Sep 27 '22

The weight in itself isn't important, assuming it's somewhere between 100 and 200 pounds, but if she's 5' tall and weighs 200, or 6' tall and weighs 100, then I'll pass...

Or, as /u/Covalent08 so eloquently put it, "Greater than skeleton, less than sphere."

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u/prettyqueerdad88 Sup Bud? Sep 26 '22 edited Sep 27 '22

I don’t give a fuck at all. Weight is not even close to being on my metrics. I’m blessed enough with the confidence and dick size to be able to love people of all body types. Don’t take the dick size thing personally if you don’t prefer big partners. It’s just a fact that you need more meat to clap bigger cheeks.

Edit: I spoke in the first person the entire time, I never shit on anyone else, I made sure to note that I was speaking from experience and not meaning to attack sooo

Why did you small weak men come to me to vent about how much you hate women for not being perfect by your small weak man standards lol?

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u/Allnutsz Male|31 Sep 26 '22

As long as you're not morbid obese it's all good.

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u/Whappingtime Sep 26 '22

It doesn’t, heavier gals who I fancy tend to self sabotage more often than not. some gals might be too heavy for me to be attracted to them though.

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u/BMXer972 Sep 26 '22

I've noticed this myself. like sure you may be on the bigger side but bringing it up and talking about how bad it makes you feel is more of a turn off than the weight itself.

if it does come up naturally just acknowledge it and say your making an effort to do better. nothing more, nothing less.

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u/JOVA1982 Sep 26 '22

Theoretically, None.

If she's 5'3" and 200lbs. pure fat. Thanks but no thanks.

If she's 5'11 and 240lbs pure muscle, I would be very attracted to her appearance, After that it's about would she be interested in me, and do I like her personality.

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u/zeepbar Sep 26 '22

She's gonna look like a stronger Vin Diesel!

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u/Merlinnium_1188 Sep 26 '22 edited Sep 26 '22

A woman at that height and that weight, pure muscle, would 100% look like a man.

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u/Red_Danger33 Sep 26 '22

China has entered the chat

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u/KingoPants Sep 26 '22

Pure muscle and pure fat are nonsense qualifiers anyway.

5'11, 240 lb and true <20% bodyfat would be absurdly yoked for a woman, even for a man.

5'3 200lb mostly fat (~50%) is a pretty standard very obese person.

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u/Ok_Medicine_77 Sep 26 '22

Im shallow. I dont want a big girl. Ideally very petite.

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u/physics_fighter Sep 26 '22

“Weight” doesn’t matter; it’s how you carry it

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u/Bite_my_shiny Sep 26 '22

Very important

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u/jmo_joker Sep 26 '22

If a person is overweight that tells me generally speaking that they don't take care of their health/body. I don't think I could date a person who gets tired just from going up some stairs, or who can't take long walks when traveling, o just generally bad at physical activities since most of my hobbies are directly related.

Additionally, I personally don't find overweight bodies attractive.

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