r/AskReddit Dec 01 '22 Silver 1 Wholesome 4 Take My Energy 1

What’s the most boring movie you’ve ever seen?

[deleted]

15.3k Upvotes

241

u/Sterling_Ray Dec 01 '22

Artemis Fowl

I was so excited about it after reading all the books when I was a kid. I always thought that they should make a film of it. When the film was announced I was so hyped! But it was so bad and took away all the magic of the books. It was so lame, so bad and sooo borring. I can’t remember anything about it

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u/TheRedmanCometh Dec 02 '22

They did Artemis Fowl so SO dirty

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u/Reasonable-Ad-137 Dec 01 '22

Tall girl 2, it was beyond the point of just being a bad movie

2.9k

u/SwmpySouthpw Dec 01 '22

Is that 2 a typo? Cause there's no way that movie got a sequel. I absolutely hated it so much

1.0k

u/mothwhimsy Dec 01 '22

It did. They tried to address the criticisms of the first movie but it was somehow even more disingenuous. Someone literally asks her if she thinks being tall is the worst problen someone could have and she goes on a whole speech about it.

1.1k

u/Hiphoppington Dec 01 '22 Gold Giggle

I like to think in the second movie she's even taller. Hypothetically they make a third one and she's fuckin massive.

546

u/trans_pands Dec 01 '22

Tall Girl, Taller Girl, Tallest Girl

125

u/Ajinho Dec 01 '22

Tall Girl with a Vengeance

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u/AgentOrange96 Dec 01 '22

I was just thinking the same thing. My brothers were watching the original a couple years back during Christmas break, and I think they gave up halfway through.

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u/Necromancer4276 Dec 01 '22

"You have no idea the struggles I go through being 6'2" as a girl!" she said to her black best friend.

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u/Kapusi Dec 01 '22

Fr. She cries about how people dislike her hor her height but its all about her persponality.

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u/zestyninja Dec 01 '22

I make fun of my wife for watching this movie, largely due to how hilarious the premise sounds.

When I heard the title I told her, "Oh, interesting... is she like 7 feet tall in middle school? That would be a unique focus of a movie!"

Nope. She's like 6'1".

385

u/milkynuggetz Dec 01 '22

This movie would probably rule if all the same things happened but she looked like a 10-story Scandinavian cave troll.

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u/Monteze Dec 01 '22

The premises and execution of that movie just annoys me. Like who the fuck was this made for??

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u/sydygy2 Dec 01 '22

I mean... tall girls, I assume.

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u/Significantducks Dec 01 '22

There's a sequel?!?!

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u/SometimesWill Dec 01 '22

Yeah to summarize the plot her new problem is that she struggles with being too popular and having a boyfriend that cares too much. Also she’s the lead in a play and she has anxiety about it. Meanwhile almost all her friends deal with their own problems but she could care less because she’s in Bye Bye Birdie.

444

u/AlludedNuance Dec 01 '22

Also EVERYTHING in the movie is blue and orange. Once you notice, it's absurd.

153

u/SometimesWill Dec 01 '22

It’s that way in the first too. Never noticed until after watching the second where they got ridiculous with it by even making the lighting blue and orange.

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u/TheKrakenIV Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

I've never heard of it before today

But now I have fomo on the worse movie ever so....guess Imma go waste the next 120 minutes of my life or so :)

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u/stoody Dec 01 '22

For some reason I watched Battlefield Earth in theaters. I woke up at the ending credits.

4.7k

u/Smorgas_of_borg Dec 01 '22

My buddy went with me to see it and he said every time he woke up, John Travolta was lifting someone up by their neck.

1.3k

u/Barbaric_Ape Dec 01 '22

Sounds like an Oscar winner to me

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u/ill_mango Dec 01 '22

I watched it too. The amount of times the word "leverage" was said was insane. Halfway through my friend and i started dying any time anyone said "leverage"

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u/Luxury-Problems Dec 01 '22

That and the line "piece of cake".

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1.4k

u/phenerganandpoprocks Dec 01 '22

That was my first 1000+ page book. My dad said he’d take me to see the movie if I read the book. I was like, 11?

Almost ruined reading for me while almost ruining movies too

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u/thestereo300 Dec 01 '22

Boring?! That’s one of the best comedies I’ve ever seen!

Saw it in the theatre 4 times! It really is quotable.

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u/Falcon_Alpha_Delta Dec 01 '22

While you were still learning how to spell your name, I, was being trained, to conquer galaxies!

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u/JoeHoboWitness Dec 01 '22 Wholesome

8 yo me watched March of the penguins not knowing it was a doc...

1.1k

u/SladePorter_ Dec 01 '22

I was young too when it came out. When the leopard seal kills the penguin, I ran out crying.

401

u/madeto-stray Dec 01 '22

My mom took me to a nature doc about birds when I was about 8 that I guess looked like it was going to be kid-friendly. First a bunch of ducks died in a tailings pond, then there’s a close up of a bird perched on some wheat about to get eaten up by a massive tractor. I had to be taken out of the theatre weeping. I still think about that poor bird in the field.

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u/benk4 Dec 01 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

I got really high on mushrooms in college on some concentrated mushroom shit that was way stronger than I thought it was going be. Ended up watching March of the Penguins and it was fascinating. In the morning when I mentioned it I was informed that we had actually watched Happy Feet and I thought it was real.

I'm still not sure if they were messing with me or we'd actually watched Happy Feet

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u/RabidSeason Dec 01 '22

Was the documentary about penguin dances?

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u/discodino123 Dec 01 '22

After earth

1.9k

u/ChronoLegion2 Dec 01 '22

Nepotism: The Movie

650

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

[deleted]

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u/weirdbutinagoodway Dec 01 '22 Gold

Will Smith slapped us all with that movie.

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u/MegaMeteorite Dec 01 '22

Transformers: The Last Knight. I fell asleep during one of the action scenes.

3.5k

u/Broken-Digital-Clock Dec 01 '22

It's amazing how boring and generic they could make giant robots fighting. I wouldn't have thought it was possible until I saw it with my own drooping eyes.

1.7k

u/Skkkjbmldihbdlsvvukb Dec 01 '22

And then there was the first Pacific Rim, or even Evangelion. The difference in cinematography is striking.

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u/Pm-ur-butt Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

The wife and I heard about a theater where you can order appetizers, entrées and liquor from your seat. This intrigued us, but the theater was over an hour away and nothing was out that was interesting to us, I think a non-Batman DC movie and probably a melissa Mccarthy movie were out at the time so we decided on Pacific Rim and figured we chalk it up to having dinner and a bad movie. We Went in blind, and we both were pleasantly surprised, the movie was actually good.

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u/Axne15 Dec 01 '22

I have just 1 wish: That they would play Pacific Rim once a year in theaters, and that I would experience it again for the first time, every time.

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u/chrisfiggg Dec 01 '22

Next Yr is 10th anniversary Del Toro is setting up to run it back in theaters Limited time

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u/Makovar Dec 01 '22

Then there was pacific rim 2. basically hot garbage.

515

u/DOLCICUS Dec 01 '22

Well it went from being directed by the excellent Guillermo del Toro to checks wikipedia Steven de Knight who had never directed a film before.

294

u/Makovar Dec 01 '22

Guillermo del Toro is a beast. not sure I've seen a movie of his that i dislike.

233

u/Skkkjbmldihbdlsvvukb Dec 01 '22

Pan's Labyrinth has got to be one of the most powerful films ever made.

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u/MattARC Dec 01 '22

The first pacific rim was arguably the only movie to do justice to fight scenes in the giant robot genre

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u/ElGatoRapperXD Dec 01 '22

Michael Bay’s transformers movies really kept getting worse and worse each release.

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u/ncopp Dec 01 '22

Idk why they didn't keep it a tight trilogy - well I do (Money!)

344

u/GrunchWeefer Dec 01 '22

The second one has to be one of the worst big budget movies I've ever seen. I couldn't get through it. I didn't like the first one that much but I was an 80s kid and was hoping things would change. I never bothered after that.

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u/Maninhartsford Dec 01 '22

IIRC the second one was written as quickly as possible because they knew the writers strike was coming. They shot a shitty first draft.

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u/Alarid Dec 01 '22

They didn't even pretend to take it seriously. I think the only element that remained was the physical design of the characters, and everything else went down the drain. Then by the end they cheaped out on the design too!

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u/Zomburai Dec 01 '22

That was the last time I ever knowingly gave Michael Bay money. Quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. Poorly choreographed fights that you can't see anyway because of the wildly spinning camera. Prime's a vicious murderer, Skyfire has robot Alzheimer's, the two little robots are racist stereotypes, Megan Fox's character is hot, and Bay literally doesn't care about any of the other 8,000 characters in the movie.

Awesome ideas show up and are discarded after literal seconds--transformers can be people? I guess, it's NEVER going to come up after it's one scene! Soundwave is a comms satellite orbitally launching Decepticons!? Don't get too excited, we're not doing much with it. The Insecticons are a swarm of insect transformers!?!? Nope, they just make a 2-dimensional robot that isn't any of the robots you cared about and isn't going to show up again.

Oh, and all the robots are still a garbled mess and you can't tell what they're doing.

I hate that movie.

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u/Scootzmagootz Dec 01 '22 Helpful

If I commit to seeing a movie in a theater, I’m in it til the credits scroll. Even if the movie is “meh” I enjoy the experience of being out with a friend and seeing a film on the big screen that others spent portions of their own lives to put together. I have never been so close to walking out of a film than I was watching Lady in the Water. My ass actually raised out of the seat and hovered for a second before I gritted my teeth and swore that the movie wasn’t going to beat me. It tried, valiantly and desperately at every turn it tried to kill me with absolute boredom and frustration. In the end I made it, but to this day it’s been the only one to come that close to victory.

1.1k

u/pigeonboy94 Dec 01 '22

Blimey. From the Wikipedia page:

The film was critically panned, with criticism revolving around the self-indulgence with which Shyamalan cast himself in the film, the lack of consistency, and the film's characterization. The film was also a financial failure grossing $72 million against a $70 million production budget. At the 27th Golden Raspberry Awards, Lady in the Water received four nominations for Worst Picture and Worst Screenplay, and won two for Worst Director, and Worst Supporting Actor for Shyamalan.

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u/BurmecianSoldierDan Dec 01 '22

Of course it was a Shyamalan movie. How is every movie of his a total coin flip if it's great or horrid.

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u/Insomniacs_Ink Dec 01 '22

It had a phenomenal soundtrack and such a neat concept but holy cow the execution was just a total mess.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 03 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

[deleted]

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u/cylantus Dec 01 '22

This is true

There are two kinds of bad movies. There are those bad movies that are so atrocious that it scars you for life and even gives you horrifying nightmares about those movies getting sequels and spin-offs. Then are those bad movies that are so substandard that your brain doesn't even register the act of watching it.

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u/nrsys Dec 01 '22

You forgot the third type of bad movie - the sort of movie that is so bad it drops out the bottom of the scale and loops around into sheer entertainment again.

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u/Kronoshifter246 Dec 01 '22 Helpful

There's a variation of that third type too: the movie that knows exactly what it is. A movie that, on paper, should be downright awful, but somehow managed to instead be a cult classic.

My favorite example of this is Van Helsing. This was a movie that really wanted to set up a cinematic universe before Marvel made it popular. It featured ok CGI, bad accents, and ridiculous, over the top characterizations of classic monsters. It constantly asks the question "how silly can we make this and still make sense?" and then doubles down on it. All the casting budget went to Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale because they were both hot off successful franchises at the time. Almost none of this works on paper. At best it should be forgettable. But the set and costume designers went insane and made everything look ridiculously cool and fun. And every single actor in this movie decided that they were gonna act the shit out of it. They knew it was ridiculous, so they played into it. The only person who isn't batshit insane is Hugh Jackman playing the straight man to what is the best, most hammed up Dracula of all time. This guy just knocked it out of the fucking park. This movie is endlessly quotable, and the majority by far are his lines. He is constantly stealing every scene he's in, always the largest presence in the room at all times. Top it off with some genuinely fun set pieces and you have a movie that is fantastic in every way that the sum of its parts says it should suck.

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u/a_tree_rex Dec 01 '22

Richard Roxburgs portrayal of Dracula in that film was my sexual awakening. I was obsessed. And then my best friend pointed out that he was also the same guy that played The Duke in Moulin Rouge and I was very confused for myself.

Side note: the "bloopers reel" from the DVD were comic gold to me at the time.

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u/snooggums Dec 01 '22

I didn't know people thought that movie was bad. It is a perfectly good summer blockbuster style romp!

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u/BigThistyBeast Dec 01 '22

It was so boring, I fell asleep every time so, I’ve never actually seen it.

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u/mr_ckean Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 02 '22 Helpful Evil Cackle

I went to see it in the theatre with 2 friends, but it was a largely empty theatre. The movie was terrible and we started discussing how bad it was. The people in front of us heard, and instead of getting annoyed with our talking, they agreed. We started talking to them, and then spent the rest of the movie talking with our new friends until the credits rolled.

I have no idea what the movie was.

(Edit: I’ve been on reddit for years, and this comment has probably as many likes as I’ve gotten in all those years combined… for a movie I don’t remember. Thanks for the awards, I’ve never got any before)

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u/JohnnyCashMoneyGreen Dec 01 '22

That's the thing: if it was so boring, there's no way you would remember the title.

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u/BlakeSteel Dec 01 '22 Silver

Now way! The Thing is an amazing movie!

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u/AmeriCossack Dec 01 '22

The real movie was the friends we made along the way

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u/Swimming_Bowler6193 Dec 01 '22

Battlefield Earth

The trailers looked so interesting to me, but my son kept warning me. I didn’t listen so we went to see it for my birthday.

Didn’t live that one down for quite awhile.

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u/Beneficial_Donut_998 Dec 01 '22 Silver Helpful Helpful (Pro)

TIL I enjoy a wide range of dull films.

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u/Anotherdmbgayguy Dec 01 '22

It sounds sexier if you call yourself a connoisseur.

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u/Jordonzo Dec 01 '22 Take My Energy

Most of those hallmark romance movies. 90% happen at Christmas, have near identical plots, overlapping cast, some name like "christmas town", or "A christmas kiss", the dialogue is always bland and makes me hate every character the more I listen, and the characters are usually one dimensional. The fact that I can't name a single one of the movies, and yet you could google my criteria and probably find over 100 similar movies should speak volumes to how bland the formula is. I mean credit where credit is due, they found a formula that appeals to aging housewives, but that just ain't me.

4.6k

u/Positive-Source8205 Dec 01 '22 Gold

A hard-charging female [doctor/lawyer/scientist] living in [Manhattan/Chicago/Los Angeles] is engaged to a alpha male [entrepreneur/doctor/politician] when she decides to go to her home town just before Christmas. While there, her family has a [medical emergency/imminent business failure/family crisis] and she meets a local [teacher/bush pilot/carpenter] who is a square-jawed hunk with a beard and a more-on-top haircut who saves the day and teaches her the true meaning if Christmas. And there’s a dog.

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u/jt_nu Dec 01 '22

Don't forget the part where he's a single dad to a 6-10 year old kid that is waaaaaaay too wise for their age. 9 times out of 10 the main character's on her way to ask out the dude, catches him in a compromising position with his ex which is a total misunderstanding, then storms off to head back to the big city without giving him a chance to explain. Then here comes this sage of a kid who can barely wipe their own ass but somehow imparts an essential life lesson on the main character which prevents her from leaving and convinces her to give the guy another chance.

1.0k

u/PoIceTea Dec 01 '22

Single because his wife died tragically, not divorce.

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u/ositola Dec 01 '22

Extreme diarrhea

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u/RazorRadick Dec 01 '22

Don’t forget how at the end she gives up her $400K job and moves back to the little town with no prospects.

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u/DandyLyen Dec 01 '22

What're you talking about, they're gonna open up a bagel vanishing business, whose logo will include the terminally ill/gay dog!

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u/yogurtmeh Dec 01 '22

Oh yes how could we forget the “…it’s not what it looks like!” drama that could’ve been cleared up with a conversation.

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u/creative_toe Dec 01 '22

Oh yes, I hate this "wise kid" trope. I mean, I mean all this talking about generic Christmas movies make me cringe, but that children that know better alle the time - like really knowing better, because adults in that movies are mostly dumb.

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u/carmium Dec 01 '22

I'll add that if you know what Vancouver looks like, you'll soon realize that Manhattan, the ski resort, the beach, the hospital, the shopping mall, the charming small town, the ranch, the woodland trail, etc., are almost always Vancouver or not far away. They make a lot of fake snow around here.

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u/anislandinmyheart Dec 01 '22

As soon as you said that, I visualised the clothes that literally nobody wears in the snow irl - short skirt, woolly tights, cable knit jumper and matching hat & gloves. No coat and useless looking boots

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u/okwowverygood Dec 01 '22

You also forgot flamboyant minority-group best friend, ie over the top stereotype of a minority group.

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u/just_justine93 Dec 01 '22

Y’all are also forgetting the elderly bearded man who owns some kind of shop in town who may or may not be Santa Claus (he definitely is)

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u/Sarahlorien Dec 01 '22

Hahaha I just watched a, what I think was a purposefully campy/shitty Christmas movie with Lindsey Lohan that came out this year (Netflix) and they hit ALL of those nails on the head. That's why I think it was supposed to be making fun of it. It was so bad, it was good, but also bad.

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u/m20052003 Dec 01 '22

You’re forgetting the biggest trope, the gazebo. Every one of them my wife has had me sit through has a gazebo. Mountain setting, plains, big city, it doesn’t matter. There’s always a gazebo. Small town? That gazebo is basically a main character.

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u/CB-Thompson Dec 01 '22 Helpful

I shoot an arrow at the gazebo.

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u/PuzzlePiece90 Dec 01 '22

There’s always a dead parent or former spouse.

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u/ImaginaryNemesis Dec 01 '22

This format is soooo ripe for cross-genre exploitation.

You could set that same story in space where the hard-charging female comes back to visit her home planet.

Or a slasher movie where the fiance is the obvious choice for the villain, but he's a red herring and it turns out to be the old man who runs the carnival.

Or a period piece in Victorian England?

Or in a post-nuclear dystopia?

Or a really meta one where a C-tier Hollywood actress comes back to her hometown to film a Hallmark movie.

There needs to be some re-mixing with this formula now that we all know it so well.

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u/Sardonyx1622 Dec 01 '22

Don't forget the protagonist guy is always wearing a flannel!

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u/trueFleet Dec 01 '22

And the business failure always involves a bakery or vineyard.

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u/jlmarr1622 Dec 01 '22

A hard-charging female [doctor/lawyer/scientist]

More like event organizer/marketing exec/retail shop owner. Some job that stay-at-home moms can project themselves into.

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u/Jbidz Dec 01 '22

Spot on. Sometimes the hunky guy has an important job too though, the towns pediatrician or something equally wholesome. And everyone always looks the same.

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u/Monteze Dec 01 '22

Everyone is just generically attractive or super attractive. From the young people to older people.

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u/filesalot Dec 01 '22

The men. With those three-day beards. The female protagonist is attractive but not too hot, again she's the "everywoman" that the viewer can project herself into, who gets the great guy for no discernable reason other than he really sees her inner qualities.

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u/TheClassyRaptor Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22 Wholesome

A long while ago I used to hang out with my grandma and she would always have the Hallmark channel on. I remember one where Tom Selleck is living on a farm with his wife and her daughter, Tom Selleck had a previous wife and a daughter with said wife that live away from him in the city.

The city daughter is a real rascal, getting tattoos and being a delinquent. So her mom decided it's best if she goes and lives on the farm with Selleck for a summer to teach her the worth of hard work. It plays out pretty standardly for how you'd expect, with the city daughter being a soursport and moping around, but then it takes a weirdly dark turn.

The city daughter has run off to the barn to vent angrily about existence or whatever, but then she sees a cow. "Stupid cow" she says, then gets a look in her eye. She then picks up a large jug of pesticide that was sitting there and starts making the cow DRINK it, while just going "hahuh dumb cow."

I'm sitting there like, this is no '"troubled youth," this girl is a straight psychopath. The cow has to get put down, she also steals a car and nearly runs some people over. She also "corrupts" the other daughter and they start makin out with boys. Then somehow, eventually ol gruff Selleck teaches her the value of hard work and listening to parents or some shit.

It was wild I tell ya. I can't get that cow scene out of my head. I thought I knew where it was going but then there was straight up animal murder. Idk why I typed all this out... Hallmark channel does things to a man.

EDIT: it's called Twelve Mile Road Trailer The comments on the trailer range from "Loved this movie! It was great!" to "This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life. It makes no sense at all."

EDIT2: the full movie is on youtube in shit quality but the scene is here which I now realize is DIRECTLY AFTER DROPPING HER OFF. like she got to the farm and immediately killed a cow.

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u/Decent_Cartoonist Dec 01 '22

Hahaha remember when you murdered a cow! Lol such a wild teen.

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u/yogurtmeh Dec 01 '22

That’s what getting tattoos always leads to!

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u/Cloaked42m Dec 01 '22

Hallmark channel does things to a man.

Facts

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u/twobit211 Dec 01 '22

quigley down under ii?

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u/shruggletuggle Dec 01 '22

90% of them have a singular goal of SAVING CHRISTMAS, seriously could they not come of with anything original for once, I legit cannot think of a genuinely good christmas movie I have watched for at least the last 5 years.

427

u/rlbond86 Dec 01 '22

Klaus is a wonderful Christmas movie that's less than 5 years old

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u/Turtle_man92 Dec 01 '22

Klaus made my whole household absolutely WEEP. Beautiful movie, will watch every year!

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u/PianoManGamer Dec 01 '22

I enjoyed 8-Bit Christmas on HBO Max, great Christmas movie imo. Basically A Christmas Story but instead of a BB gun, it's a Nintendo.

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u/BelindaTheGreat Dec 01 '22

I ought to be in the demographic and I am so stressed from work that I need escapism but these movies are so boring they actually anger me. Unwatchable. My 73 year old mom loves them though. Glad they're there for those who enjoy but I just can't.

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u/DeckerR Dec 01 '22

City slicker woman lawyer visits small town and bumps into rough but still underwear model type guy. Her papers fly everywhere and he helps her pick them up. She falls in love. He turns out to be Santa Claus.

I just saved you 80 minutes of boredom.

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u/Additional_Share_551 Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

My mom watches them, and hearing her earnestly talk about them as if they were interesting baffles me. I've seen at least 20 of them with her, and they are literally all the same.

Woman is dating someone in a big city. Man she's dating doesn't spend enough time with her. She accidentally/reluctantly goes to small town that she may have used to live in. Meets small town guy around Christmas time. Small Town guy doesn't have much, but he likes the holidays, and appreciates the holidays. Woman during the third act, breaks up with other man after emotionally cheating on him during the first half of the movie. Starts dating small town guy after discovering how much better small town life without money is than city life.

Edit: there's one of these that takes place in Nashville Tennessee, and because it's Christmas it snows. In Nashville. Tennessee. It's strange to watch a movie about a southern state absolutely coated in Canada levels of snow

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u/bg-j38 Dec 01 '22

So here's what's fucking insane about it. I was curious about this the other day and went and counted. By the end of 2022 Hallmark will have released 375 Christmas movies. They put out around 40 a year now. And if the statistics are to be believed, they draw 2-5 million viewers each when released. So people are eating this stuff up. I wonder what the budget for one of these is. I'm guessing at this point it's a well oiled machine to churn these out.

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u/kodeofthekyle Dec 01 '22

Ugh tell me about it. Every year my mom religiously watches those movies. ALL OF THEM

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u/ReCHaVoK Dec 01 '22

A Wrinkle in Time

I still don't know what the hell I watched

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u/Wanderlusxt Dec 01 '22

Honestly I’m so sad that they changed so much from the book… the book was so good :( Really bad movie adaptation honestly

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u/PracticalNihilist Dec 01 '22

I am the pretty thing that lives in the house

What a yawn. It's supposed to be a horror movie but it's full of nothing.

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u/Trebondginger Dec 01 '22

I love atmospheric, slow burn creepy films. I kept waiting and hoping. I got about half way, and then hit the fast forward. Like maybe the ending has some sort climax?

Nope. Boring. Couldn’t do it.

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u/bropocalypse__now Dec 01 '22

The Happening, a movie where people ran away from nothing for two hours.

1.2k

u/usethe4th Dec 01 '22

I was so looking forward to this movie, and to call it a let down would be a vast understatement. Someone called me after it ended and the tone was immediately sour, prompting the explanation, “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at M. Night Shyamalan.”

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

That's how anyone who was a fan of Avatar: THe last AirBender felt too.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at M. Night Shyamalan." sums it up.

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u/MrChilliBean Dec 01 '22

What? Nooo!

350

u/spacefaceclosetomine Dec 01 '22

I ironically like the movie so much, I think I like it un-ironically now.

82

u/fugaziozbourne Dec 01 '22

Anyone who says this premise is ridiculous has never had hay fever.

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u/the_saas_guy Dec 01 '22

I can't believe multiple people saw that take and decided to leave it in. It's truly baffling.

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u/Sweaty-Feedback-1482 Dec 01 '22

Well not “nothing”… it was just a CHASE SCENE WHERE THE PROTAGONISTS WERE RUNNING AWAY FROM THE FUCKING WIND!!! Rumor has it that there’s a directors cut with other exciting scenes including ‘watching water boil’ and the even more tantalizing ‘paint drying’ scene

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u/ParisGreenGretsch Dec 01 '22 Doom

Walberg's acting was as dry as a popcorn fart in that one. Just awful.

129

u/Wisdomlost Dec 01 '22

Whaaat? Nooooooo.

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u/Mr_Saturn1 Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

Mark Walberg playing an educator was the least believable thing in the movie.

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u/OracleVision88 Dec 01 '22

Me and my brother kept rewinding the scene where the guy just laid down in the grass and let a lawnmower from 30 feet away mow him down. We couldn’t stop laughing. Most unintentionally hilarious movie of all time. And OF COURSE Mark Wahlberg is running around the majority of the run time looking confused as shit. Truly a dumpster fire of a movie, but damn if it wasn’t utterly hilarious!

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u/shokalion Dec 01 '22

You've gotta admit that opening five minutes is brilliant though. Shame about the rest of it.

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u/SopranosBluRayBoxSet Dec 01 '22

I loved it, it crossed that line and made it to "so bad it's entertaining" for me

227

u/I_forgot_to_respond Dec 01 '22

Me and my wife will quote Mark Wahlberg quite often. Instead of just "no" we act shocked and concerned and say "What?!?... NO!" It's one of my favorite lines from cinema, period.

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u/RazgrizInfinity Dec 01 '22

I *laughed* obnoxiously when the person laid in front of the lawnmower and got ran over when that was spose to be a tense moment.

201

u/Jorro_Kreed Dec 01 '22

You can't blame that person for trying to get out of that movie by any means necessary.

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1.8k

u/CoolIceCreamCone Dec 01 '22

Manos Hand of Fate

337

u/SullyZero Dec 01 '22

"DO SOMETHING, GAH!"

101

u/Wheredoesthetoastgo2 Dec 01 '22

BoSs, ArE yOu GoInG tO kIlL mE, yEt?

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u/SergeantChic Dec 01 '22

The tender “Peeping Torgo” scene.

41

u/kkeut Dec 01 '22

his theme music is great

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u/enigmaunbound Dec 01 '22

The Master won't like you talking that way.

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u/thecftbl Dec 01 '22

Gotta disagree. Manos at least has a plot, it was just very poorly executed. The most boring movie by a long stretch MST ever featured was The Starfighters. Literally nothing happens. It's an hour of F-104's flying around and a bunch of pilots being filmed doing day to day routines. There is no conflict, no character development, nothing. It is as if you made the world's most boring documentary and marketed it as Top Gun.

70

u/d3l3t3rious Dec 01 '22

There are also a lot of "grey men talking in grey rooms" movies they riffed that were more boring than Manos. Night of the Blood Beast springs to mind.

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u/Semi-Hemi-Demigod Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

It's not boring if you like mid-air refueling shots.

But it really felt more like an ad for the F-104.

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u/Mudders_Milk_Man Dec 01 '22

Mystery Science Theater 3000 did a magnificent job with that one.

695

u/Grandmaster-HotFlash Dec 01 '22

“Every frame of this movie looks like someone’s last known photograph.”

74

u/SirMooSquiddles Dec 01 '22

Ive seen the MST3K rip at least 5 times, I found my solid crush in it. Dark brown hair, and the constant look of unpleasing sexual arousal.

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u/brettmbr Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

I can’t even enjoy the famous MST3K riffing because this movie is so dull

EDIT: autocorrect switched dull to full, the exact opposite of what I was typing.

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1.3k

u/Mela_Min Dec 01 '22

50 shades of gray

1.1k

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

[deleted]

987

u/HugeHans Dec 01 '22 Silver Wholesome

"What's a buttplug?"

The new fragrance by La Croupe.

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u/virgo_fake_ocd Dec 01 '22

It was such a nothing of a movie. I already didn't want to be there, but it wasn't even so bad it was as good. It was just blah.

225

u/Nomerdoodle Dec 01 '22

I was in university when the movie came out. A group of us went to see it, expecting a 'so bad it's good' trash flick. Nope! This movie takes itself so seriously, it's just so dull and boring.

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u/VinnyInChains Dec 01 '22

My girlfriend would say The Godfather. I don’t think she’s ever made it past Connie’s wedding.

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u/Lord_Orochimaru Dec 01 '22

Morbius - I was thinking ‘no way it’s that bad as people saying it is’ … It’s so much worse

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u/pammy2002 Dec 01 '22

I think the most boring movie I've ever seen was the shitty Max Payne movie with Mark Wahlberg.

212

u/mexesss Dec 01 '22

I wanted to like it so much, being Fan of the game. but goddamn it was so shit.

114

u/radiodialdeath Dec 01 '22

What's so heartbreaking is that Max Payne's noir setting in the hands of the right writer & director could have been amazing. Instead we got....whatever that was.

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u/WaltChamberlin Dec 01 '22

Jupiter Ascending with Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum

My wife dragged me to that shit In theaters. Worst $50 I ever spent. Slept through the entire thing.

57

u/stormcynk Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

Not a great movie, but I wouldn't call it boring, at least visually! Cringy, cliched, overacted (Eddie Redmayne looking at you), but not really boring.

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u/The_Sinnermen Dec 01 '22

Why Is noone more shocked at the $50 ? Is this considered normal ?

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u/BurmecianSoldierDan Dec 01 '22

Just checked Black Panther for tonight for the heck of it. I'm in a rural city in Idaho.

Adult Ticket 2 x $15.12 = $30.24

Convenience Fee = $4.78 (lol)

TOTAL DUE = $35.02

So it's not that far-fetched. Matinee is usually a bit cheaper though.

108

u/kiwichick286 Dec 01 '22

WTF is a "convenience fee" who's convenience? Man all these hidden "fees" should be illegal!!

33

u/BounceTheGalaxy Dec 01 '22

Yup lol. My fiancé gifted me AMC stubs for my birthday and I realized that I really only need to see one movie and a large popcorn a month for it to be worth it. Movies are crazy expensive unless you take advantage of early weekday showings and sneak your own snacks in.

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u/HelpfulJarOfDirt Dec 01 '22

The Last Airbender

479

u/jimbris Dec 01 '22

Was it boring or just an unholy abomination?

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u/WindBehindTheStars Dec 01 '22

I would hate that movie but for two things:

1) I had never watched the cartoon previous to seeing the film, so I had no sacred cows for it to make into hamburger.

2) I rented it because I kept seeing the cartoon referenced on TVTropes, and figured that might be a decent introduction. My response to the film that I posted on Facebook was: "This movie takes mediocrity to the same level it's always been at." I then decided to watch an episode of the show on Netflix. Two and-a-half hours later, I turned the TV off and said to myself, "Oh, so that's what the hype is about".

If I hadn't watched that crapsack of a movie, I might not ever have delved into what is maybe the best cartoon ever produced, and possibly as close to a perfect TV series as I've ever seen.

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u/Zkang123 Dec 01 '22

It's so that bad even for non Avatar fans? Wow

98

u/WindBehindTheStars Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

When I first saw it, I didn't consider it to be bad so much as underwhelming; we are speaking here of an extreme inability to give even a single shit for anything happening on the screen. It wasn't until the final battle where Aang (and I hate the movie's pronunciations of character names) goes into the Avatar State and opens a ceramic jar of whup-ass on the Fire Nation fleet that i got the tiniest bit emotionally involved. I haven't watched it since, but I'm sure I'd super hate it now.

[Edit: Realized I stopped a sentence mid-stream, and cut off a whole damn thought; fixed it.]

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2.2k

u/SuvenPan Dec 01 '22

Cats(2019)

1.9k

u/Hambushed Dec 01 '22

I fully believe that every actor in that movie is there because of some wide ranging blackmail scheme

1.7k

u/joesatmoes Dec 01 '22

Except for James Corden. He's probably behind the scheme tbh.

1.1k

u/SafetyDanceInMyPants Dec 01 '22

I will never forget what Ricky Gervais said about him at the Golden Globes: "The world got to see James Corden as a fat pussy. He was also in the movie Cats."

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u/pesky-pretzel Dec 01 '22

Well I mean, it was an incredibly popular broadway play. But I guess stage doesn’t always translate to screen 😂

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u/the_idea_pig Dec 01 '22

I've seen the play; used to have it on VHS and watched it with some regularity. Saw a few live productions and really enjoyed them. The show is so much better live because the audience and the performers share the space; as an observer you can see all the work that goes into a production and you can see the chemistry that the cast has developed over their practice and rehearsal. The performers get one shot to get it right or they have to roll with the failures. Little things will sometimes deviate from the script and it can add to the performance as a whole. In one show, Mister Mistoffoles' flash paper set fire to Rum Tum Tugger's tail. Tugger slapped it out and spent the rest of the number giving Mistoffoles this look of feline indignation. Nobody missed a beat; it was fantastic.

In the movie, you don't get the full picture of the performance. Every actor is focused on themselves and they fail to see how their part fits into the whole. The rest of the cast is literally background noise. It wouldn't have translated well even if it had been done correctly.

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u/Admetus Dec 01 '22

I watched half of the VHS at my grandparents when I was a kid. I didn't really feel riveted by it but I pushed through for a good 30 or 40 minutes.

I would watch Cats in person later as a teenager. It was good fun because you see these actors in person doing it for you, the audience. You feel grateful even, for the fact that out of so many nights they will put on a top notch performance for you.

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u/Mcrarburger Dec 01 '22

Nahhh Taylor swift was there bc she wanted to be apart of a musical related to cats

Half of her marketing for the 2019 album Lover was how much she's into her cats lmao

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u/inuvash255 Dec 01 '22

Whuh?! You thought that was boring?

I was thrilled watching that film. I've never ever seen a disaster of that proportion, with that level of budget! I got to see it before the patch too!

79

u/raulduke05 Dec 01 '22

awful? yes. disaster? yes. train wreck? yes. should it be cast into the fires of hell? yes.
but is it boring? no. i definitely recommend it, it's hilariously bad, the likes of which will probably never be made at that scale for a long time. please go watch cats.

38

u/inuvash255 Dec 01 '22

There will seriously never be a movie so colossally bad.

What's already a weird, horny, acid-trippy stage musical gets translated by an over-literal director who makes some really strong decisions in terms of casting, CGI, and a brand new song that was so new, so last-minute that the actor barely knows what she's singing.

It's really incredible.

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u/benduder Dec 01 '22

the asshole cut??

52

u/inuvash255 Dec 01 '22

xD

Not quite! The original cut didn't have the full CGI, so you had funky stuff like Old Deuteronomy having Judy Dench's human hands and her wedding ring.

The literally sent out an update over satellite internet to fix the movie while it was showing in theaters!

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u/89colbert Dec 01 '22

It's a lot of things but it ain't that

230

u/jim_deneke Dec 01 '22

Nah Cats wasn't boring, it was terrifying.

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2.0k

u/General_Discourse Dec 01 '22

Downsizing. Just an absolutely horrible movie

1.4k

u/wpascarelli Dec 01 '22

Downsizing is probably the most disappointing/upset I’ve ever been with a movie. It was marketed as a quirky comedy about a guy who shrinks and I was very excited to see it. It turned out to be horrible and not a comedy at all and having very little to do with Matt Damon shrinking.

804

u/jpipi Dec 01 '22

Seriously. Relative to expectations, this is among the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

The entire premise of the movie was completely irrelevant to the story…. If you just cut out the first 20 minutes and shrank no one, it would have changed nothing

503

u/ADHDBusyBee Dec 01 '22

They also cut out the only thing interesting about the concept, him accepting and first experiencing a new world! They just cut to time later with him depressed and middle aged.

131

u/zenchemin Dec 01 '22

The plot point of scarcity and poverty fell flat for me. How could that be possible if someone in the normal world could just drop one basket of groceries in the town and everyone could live like kings for weeks? Was that not the premise of the entire procedure?

78

u/ADHDBusyBee Dec 01 '22

See if I remember correctly, it was pretty glossed over, but that if you didn't have previous wealth to live off of you needed to make an income while tiny. The only thing of value would be in services like call centers and because you were tiny they devalued their labour and paid them pennies.

It doesn't make sense though because you literally could sustain an entire tiny community on produce from 1 acre of land. It would literally be a fraction of the food provided by a thanksgiving fundraiser. Fuck you'd think the government would have pushed every impoverished person/refugee in the world to do this and cut welfare expenses to a fraction of the cost.

I had to read the Wikipedia again but there was a brief message that nobody chose to do the procedure, but I just find that unrealistic given what people undergo on a daily basis to live in a Western country.

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u/FloppyFishcake Dec 01 '22

I genuinely forgot they were shrunken by the second half of the movie.

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u/SquareSquirrel4 Dec 01 '22

The entire premise of the movie was completely irrelevant to the story

Yes! My husband and I were so confused during it because the shrinking had nothing to do with the plot. The ads/trailers and the actual movie were two completely different projects. I've never seen a such a blatant bait-and-switch like that.

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u/DadR0ck Dec 01 '22

…and it was advertised as a light-hearted comedy. The worst.

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u/Thoraxe123 Dec 01 '22

In the trailer, they had a bunch of tiny people drinking vodka out of a normal sized vodka bottle.

It wasn't even in the movie.

73

u/Spanky_McJiggles Dec 01 '22

I haven't seen the movie and the massive vodka bottle is always what pops into my mind whenever someone mentions it.

It's hilarious that it's not even in the movie.

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u/kozaki_ Dec 01 '22 Snek

Jurassic world dominion it was the first time I fell asleep in the theatre

584

u/chickenheadj Dec 01 '22

I watched it on an airplane recently. Laughed my ass off when I saw Chris Pratt riding a horse to lasso a dinosaur. I don’t remember anything else about it.

279

u/YEEyourlastHAW Dec 01 '22

absolutely baffled how they could manage to CREATE dinosaurs yet not convince me he was ACTUALLY riding a horse. The CGI horses were SO terrible

89

u/bungle_bogs Dec 01 '22

I struggled with the fact that a film about dinosaurs had so little to do with dinosaurs.

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