r/LeopardsAteMyFace Aug 17 '22 Helpful 7 Silver 2 Wholesome Seal of Approval 1 Take My Energy 1

When you accidentally ban the bible

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48.6k Upvotes

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7.0k

u/bieserkopf Aug 17 '22 Gold All-Seeing Upvote

Most of them have never read it anyway.

1.4k

u/Nanyea Aug 17 '22

Tons of sex, beastiality, murder, etc...

932

u/twelveparsnips Aug 17 '22

don't forget the genocide....lots and lots of genocide

742

u/AustinBennettWriter Aug 17 '22

and rape, and instructions on how to perform an abortion...

193

u/Ok-Train-6693 Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

Except for the last one in a medical context, the Grotesque Olde Partie is openly all for those.

Assurbanipal would be proud.

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u/Gorkymalorki Aug 17 '22

That's not what they care about, it's Jesus' leftist stance on most things that they want to keep away from kids. Progressive Jesus has no place in our schools, they will learn about our savior Supply Side Jesus .

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u/Ok-Train-6693 Aug 18 '22

Only the working class supplies. The wealthy only consume.

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u/GrayBox1313 Aug 17 '22

“You mean Jesus was an illegal immigrant!?!? Next, y’all gonna say he wasn’t a white American gun owner!!!”

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u/esp211 Aug 17 '22

Yeah like when they asked Drumpf what his favorite verse was? All of them. LMAO

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u/flamedarkfire Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

Like, that’s such a softball question and he still swung for the fences and missed. The Golden Rule, John 3:16, Proverbs 3:5, Matthew 19:24. Even if he didn’t know the exact passages he probably could have quoted them, provided he knew them at all or cared to know.

227

u/rootoo Aug 17 '22

Something from two Corinthians at least

162

u/StopReadingMyUser Aug 17 '22

I love two corinthians. Just two bros, being corinthians... fighting an alien armada... it- it's... two- just two corinthians...

57

u/WaitHowDidIGetHere92 Aug 17 '22

Two Corinthians, chillin' in a hot tub five feet apart 'cause they're not gay!

36

u/TeamMemberDZ-015 Aug 17 '22

That sounds an awful lot like that social distancing crap the elitists are peddling to control us.

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u/Most-Bench6465 Aug 17 '22

Not if Neil Gaiman has anything to say about it

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u/Jaxager Aug 17 '22

In all my time I have never heard anyone say 2 Corinthians that way. If Obama had said it the way Trump did there would be an uproar and it would've been proof positive that Obama was really a Muslim.

21

u/cauldron_bubble Aug 18 '22

The way they still keep saying Barak HUSSEIN Obama even after he out-christianed Trump in every way just smacks of ignorance and racism. I just hate that I have family members who still do this.

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u/frenetix Aug 17 '22

Two Corinthians walk into a bar ...

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u/subparrapbus Aug 17 '22

Ezekiel 25:17

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u/TheHermitess Aug 17 '22

Oh I thought that was Ezekiel 23:20, "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." Because I went to a good Christian school.

117

u/bobafett01992 Aug 17 '22

TIL.....I think I know now why my bible class skipped a lot of the old testament books...

158

u/xRamenator Aug 17 '22

I mean, they do say the fastest way to convert a Christian to an atheist is to have them read the bible cover to cover.

It's a lot harder to see the bs and contradictions when someone is leading you through the bible vs reading it yourself.

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u/LittleBrother2459 Aug 17 '22

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were saying something about best intentions.

26

u/paulcaar Aug 17 '22

Look at the big brain on Brett, that's right.

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u/bmbreath Aug 17 '22

"I like that scene with the torture porn. You know... the one where they take that nearly naked young man with the ripped abdominal muscles, and they whip him til he's good and sweaty, then they string him up for all to view and then they give him a good 'ole fashioned poking.... you know gettin' all up in his guts, real deep like. And then they shame him, really degrade him. That's the part I like. It was all hot and sultry...."

I mean he could have just said that and it would have been fine.

17

u/iamintheforest Aug 17 '22

If he ate at in n' out instead of mcdonalds he's just have to flip over the cup. But...really....do we think Donald Trump has the sophisticated palette required to prefer in n' out to mcdonalds?

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u/Nzgrim Aug 17 '22

He did eventually settle on one. "Eye for an eye." You know, the thing that Jesus explicitly said was wrong. Such a great Christian.

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u/Sparred4Life Aug 17 '22

I'm as atheist as a person can be, and even I know a couple passages that sounds nice as sound bites. Lol

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u/Killarogue Aug 17 '22

Most of them have never read it anyway.

Ftfy

862

u/bieserkopf Aug 17 '22

Damn, if those republicans could read, they would be pissed.

472

u/AMC_Unlimited Aug 17 '22

They would really hate that PoC liberal Jesus.

412

u/JEM225 Aug 17 '22

Don’t forget, Jesus was killed by the local authorities at the urging of the local church.

292

u/tanktametet-pwemskan Aug 17 '22

and because he was speaking out against them no less.

"damn liberal protesters. give him the death sentence" - Sanhedrin

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u/toejamandtoast Aug 17 '22

They would have legally run him over with a chariot if he was in Florida instead of Israel.

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u/Bodie_The_Dog Aug 17 '22

Also because he kicked the money changers out of the temple. Bankers killed him.

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u/sithelephant Aug 17 '22

Recommend the following Woodie Guthrie track on that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDS00Pnhkqk

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u/The-Last-American Aug 17 '22

Jesus was definitely a libtard.

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u/Pfyxoeous Aug 17 '22

This comment caused Mountain Dew to squirt out of my nose. I may ultimately drown as a result.

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u/bieserkopf Aug 17 '22

“The Pharao offered them a position and they took it. Should’ve gone to school to become a pyramid engineer. That’s what I did, now I am in control of the whip and make six figure shekel a year”

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u/Less_Likely Aug 17 '22

He’s an ararcho-socialist.

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u/Green_Artist_ Aug 17 '22

Vote to ban inappropriate books... get your favorite banned too.

441

u/NoiseTherapy Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

72

u/LVL-2197 Aug 18 '22

I prefer the Hawaiin Pidgin Bible these days for... Well everything Bible related.

19 But she fool aroun mo an mo fo rememba how was wen she stay young an fool aroun inside Egypt. 20 Ova dea she stay hot up fo her Egypt guys. Dea private parts stay big jalike da donkeys, an da sperm dey shoot jalike from da horses.

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u/TPRJones Aug 18 '22

Wow. I might have to get one of these.

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u/davidsands Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

The Bible has some real juicy smut in there. Hard to hold it up as an example of moral decency when you are trying to ban books for so called, “age inappropriate” content.

1.0k

u/tanktametet-pwemskan Aug 17 '22

daughters getting their dad drunk so they can milk him for his man juice. yeah, every child needs to read that. oh and King David finagling to get a man killed so he bang his wife. Great family values stuff there.

491

u/seanular Aug 17 '22

The one about king David always throws me off, because that one is straight up taught to kids for like... the moral lesson that... getting someone killed so God won't be mad about you fucking his wife is... bad?

410

u/praysolace Aug 17 '22

It was always taught to me as an “even great men of God can mess up really badly, and God can still use them for great things despite that.” Which, in hindsight, really paves the way for “forgiving” pedophile pastors with zero real consequences because blah blah blah David blah blah God’s plan.

157

u/thelamestofall Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

He wasn't even punished for that, he just got sad a little while the child was sick and then stopped giving a fuck when the baby actually died. He still married the woman

121

u/Jacks_Flaps Aug 18 '22

That's also fucked up. God tortured Bathsheba's newborn baby for 7 days then killed it to punish David for killing Bathsheba's hubby. That baby sure learned his lesson.

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u/dicetime Aug 18 '22

Damn. So god killed an innocent baby for the sins of his father? That seems… topical

51

u/Bogsworth Aug 18 '22

Didn't you know? God hates abortion, but to hell with those babies once they're actually born.

Pay no mind to the Bible verses that teach you how to make an abortion potion.

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u/ZachRyder Aug 17 '22

He wasn't even punished for that

David was denied the honour of getting to build God's Temple. It was God's one big middle finger to him for every one of his lifetime of misdeeds.

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u/Jacks_Flaps Aug 17 '22

They don't often teach the bit about David groping the dicks of 200 of his enemies then giving their 200 foreskins as payment for a woman he wanted to marry.

If they did a followup question for the girls in the class would probably be: How many foreskins are you worth?

74

u/pistaul Aug 17 '22

The fuck?, This is in Bible?

60

u/dzuczek Aug 17 '22

Samuel 18:27

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u/Normal-Brief Aug 17 '22

David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

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u/ReluctantSlayer Aug 17 '22

Saul asked for 100. David brought back 200. For love....?

22

u/averagethrowaway21 Aug 18 '22

What's love got to do with it?

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u/OneHotPotat Aug 18 '22

Who needs a foreskin when a foreskin can be broken?

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u/healzsham Aug 17 '22

They're more about proof of infidels killed than a literal "hey go grab me some dick skins."

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u/Jacks_Flaps Aug 17 '22

And Saul's daughter was worth 200 dick skins on the open market.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '22 edited 24d ago

[deleted]

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u/seanular Aug 18 '22

My favorite is when God was like,

Hey, Devil! Check out this dude! He is my best follower.

And the devil said that he was only devoted because he had a good life, so God kills his family, his cattle, his crops, and gives him horrible horrible diseases just to prove that he's devoted.

A feel good story for the whole family!

43

u/CubistChameleon Aug 18 '22

It's cool though, God gave him another wife and more kids. I mean, they're basically all the same anyway, right? Not liked Job loved them individually or anything.

20

u/VexillologyFan1453 Aug 18 '22

This shit is the kind of stuff that really emphasizes just how alien God’s mentality is in Abrahamic faiths. I could totally see a God viewing children and wives as fungible like coins or something. Wait, I just realized that this story might reflect ancient (Hebrew?) views on wives and kids.

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u/teraflux Aug 18 '22

Wait, I just realized that this story might reflect ancient (Hebrew?) views on wives and kids.

Bingo. Women and children were viewed as possessions. Losing your wife and kids is similar to losing your farm and all your livestock.

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u/thekrone Aug 17 '22

Honestly it's petty af, but my favorite is 2 Kings 2:23-24.

Basically some children made fun of a bald man, so he prayed to God, and God sent 2 bears who mauled 42 of the children.

The lesson? If people make fun of you, sic bears on them.

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u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked Aug 17 '22

I'm fond of the one where Jesus came to a fig tree, and there were no figs on it because figs were not in season, so he cursed the fig tree.

106

u/TheLastSamurai101 Aug 17 '22

I reckon the moral of the story is that sometimes God just sets you up to fail.

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u/SirChasm Aug 18 '22

Who in this case is also daddy, so that's bonus irony

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u/tahlyn Aug 17 '22 Helpful

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Ezekiel 23:20

2.0k

u/tyleritis Aug 17 '22 Silver Gold

Fifty Shades of Neigh

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u/Scarbane Aug 17 '22 All-Seeing Upvote Narwhal Salute

Mr. Hands wept.

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u/subdep Aug 17 '22

Wait, they abuse Mr. Ed in the Bible?

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u/With_Trees Aug 17 '22

Have you seen Song of Songs?

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u/pm-me-racecars Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

Your stature is like that of the palm,

    and your breasts like clusters of fruit.

 I said, “I will climb the palm tree;

    I will take hold of its fruit."

Climbing a palm tree in case someone didn't get the metaphor...

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u/Dabadedabada Aug 18 '22

After Ecclesiastes, this is my favorite book in the Bible. There is some really good love poetry there. The rest of the Bible is about praising God but Song of Solomon is two lovers praising each other. I am forever grateful it was allowed to stay in because it sets an example of how two people in love can litterally worship each other and it’s ok. It doesn’t have to be all about God and religion. Not only that but it also shows a man softening his heart and taking the untraditional stance of swooning over his wife, something more men should do.

Plus it’s got some got some great analogies for the various naughty bits.

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u/toddverrone Aug 17 '22

Is that what that verse actually says?!

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u/AnalogCyborg Aug 17 '22

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u/toddverrone Aug 17 '22 Gold

Damn. That's great. I love calling people out on the tattoos, bacon, mixed fibers, shellfish, etc, but I didn't know there was a big dick section as well. Hahaha!

232

u/crazyprsn Aug 17 '22

Don't forget the jizz. Looooooots of jizz. We're talking bukake levels of jizz.

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u/Pied_Piper_ Aug 17 '22

Literal horse cock’s worth of jiz

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Glass_Memories Aug 17 '22

The Onan guy got killed by God when he refused to jizz in his brother's widow and instead pulled out and jizzed on the ground. Religious scholars interpreted that as any jizz outside of a woman is bad therefore masturbation is a sin. They are very concerned about your jizz.

8 Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother.”

9 But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother’s wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

10 What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

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u/y6ird Aug 17 '22

Note, however, that he was totally down with the actual sex part of his brother-in-law duty.

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u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked Aug 17 '22

Reminds me of the guy who decided to live in accordance with the Torah as much as possible for a year.

Eventually his wife got so annoyed she went through the entire house making every chair ritually unclean.

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u/Key_Buffalo7200 Aug 17 '22

How does one make a chair ritually unclean?

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u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked Aug 17 '22

Sit on it during her period.

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u/oh_such_rhetoric Aug 17 '22

Get a teacup pig and let it just chill there for a sec.

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u/thelamestofall Aug 17 '22

Best part this is actually God himself talking

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u/AnalogCyborg Aug 17 '22

It sounds like something god would say.

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u/eltrento Aug 17 '22

What's more interesting is the ridiculous amount of translations of that passage!!

For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

For she doted upon her paramours there, whose lust was sensuous and vulgar like that of asses or stallions.

and lusted after their lovers, whose sexual members[a] were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of stallions.

She lusted after their male consorts, whose sexual organs were like those of donkeys, and whose ejaculation was like that of horses.

Yes, she lusted after their male prostitutes, whose members are like those of donkeys and who ejaculate like stallions.

She eagerly wanted to go to bed with Egyptian men, who were famous for their sexual powers.

She lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose semen was like that of horses.

She was filled with lust for oversexed men who had all the lustfulness of donkeys or stallions.”

My favorite from The Message (MSG) translation:

“I turned my back on her just as I had on her sister. But that didn’t slow her down. She went at her whoring harder than ever. She remembered when she was young, just starting out as a whore in Egypt. That whetted her appetite for more virile, vulgar, and violent lovers—stallions obsessive in their lust. She longed for the sexual prowess of her youth back in Egypt, where her firm young breasts were caressed and fondled.

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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

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u/rabbi__milligan Aug 18 '22

The Message is not the most accurate translation of the Bible, but it is absolutely the most entertaining. Everyone in it talks like they’re from the wrong side of Brooklyn.

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u/Shufflepants Aug 17 '22

The Song of Songs gets downright x rated:

Awake, north wind; and come, you south!
Blow on my garden, that its spices may flow out.
Let my beloved come into his garden,
and taste his precious fruits.

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u/Halomir Aug 17 '22

Bro, this is clearly just about gardening.

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u/Shufflepants Aug 17 '22

Ah, yes, the pussy fruit.

17

u/macaronisalad Aug 17 '22

Who doesn’t love a fresh punani

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u/EllisDee_4Doyin Aug 17 '22

Blow on my garden, that its spices may flow out

The Bible is saying to go down on a woman. And make sure she comes.

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u/truthlife Aug 17 '22

Amen. 🙌

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u/BDT81 Aug 17 '22

Was it the incest, the baby killing, or the genocide?

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u/unclejoe1917 Aug 17 '22

Well, you can rule out the genocide. I can't imagine anyone banning books would have much of a problem with that...or the incest. The baby killing is cool. Post-natal, mind you.

379

u/BDT81 Aug 17 '22

Oh there's Pre-Natal too.

Even PREPreNatal when people are instructed to ram a sword through the belly, specifically so they won't get pregnant (like it would be a problem if they killed them any other way.)

145

u/Belurso Aug 17 '22

Look, man, you've got to be sure. Sometimes you're getting your dick chopped off and next thing you know the river is calling asking about Child Support.

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u/AngryBumbleButt Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 17 '22 Spit-take

Dudes kids are in de-nile

Edit: thanks for the award!

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u/Darthpubes Aug 17 '22

It’s probably all the abortions god does that turns them off. Probably not, religious folks are hypocrits

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u/KnittingforHouselves Aug 17 '22

Probably the soft-porn, can have violence, can't have boobies

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u/NJ_Legion_Iced_Tea Aug 17 '22

What about the part where God sent two angels to destroy Sodom, and all the citizens wanted to rape them? Then Lot offered his two daughters to the crowd so they could be raped instead. Then later Lot's daughters get him drunk and rape him.

Is that violent enough for the schools?

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u/MegaMaxSteele Aug 17 '22

Basically there was a policy introduced that would require any book challenged by parents in the past to be temporarily pulled from school libraries in the district while they awaited a new review on whether or not they are re reviewed. This affected the bible because 2 times in the district it has been challenged by parents. One challenge was withdrawn and the other resulted in a decision saying it was appropriate.

So technically it's TBD

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u/Ydain Aug 17 '22

It was the parts that don't condemn homosexuality.

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u/Mitt_Romney_USA Aug 18 '22

So all the parts where Jesus was talking then?

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u/thickerstill8 Aug 17 '22

Emissions like that of horses!

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u/madmaurice Aug 17 '22

Neither. If you read the article, you'll see that it's not banned yet. Someone challenged it, which means it has to be reviewed and for the duration of the review process it has to be removed from the shelves. As far as I can tell anyone can do that without any reason. I highly doubt the reviewer to actually ban it... I actually expect they will fast-track the bible and it'll be back in no time.

Article: https://www.thedailybeast.com/book-ban-backfires-with-texas-kellar-independent-school-district-forced-to-pull-the-bible-anne-frank-book

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u/RevolutionaryFly5 Aug 17 '22

then challenge it again. every time it gets put back on the shelf. hell, you could probably even cite a different "offensive" section each time you do it.

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u/stormtrooper00 Aug 17 '22

It has enough offensive passages to keep it challenged for decades anyway

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u/neopod9000 Aug 17 '22

My money's on homosexuality.

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u/AquiliferX Aug 17 '22

It certainly wasn't the slavery

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u/goodusernameishard Aug 17 '22

They are banning "The Diary of Anne Frank", interesting. I wonder what the reason was.

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u/I_Frothingslosh Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

It has been challenged and even banned repeatedly because there are parts where she's curious about her own body, describes sexual feelings, and even some homosexual descriptions of her friend.

As a result, conservatives blow a gasket about it being sexually offensive, pornographic, and/or obscene. They also like to claim it's just too sad for kids to read.

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u/Lemon_Sponge Aug 17 '22

Hate it when history is not fit to my standards or happy 😡

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u/WhizBangPissPiece Aug 17 '22

Suuuuuuuure, THAT'S why they don't want kids to read it...

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u/Smaskifa Aug 18 '22

They also like to claim it's just too sad for kids to read.

Meanwhile, Old Yeller and Where the Red Fern Grows are still in the curriculum.

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u/joeffect Aug 17 '22

it was one of the only books i think i actually read in school

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u/Walrus_protector Aug 17 '22

Was it the, "hey, puberty is a thing," or is it because the nazis aren't the heroes?

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u/OctopusButter Aug 17 '22

Nazis, except it's more publicly acceptable to be afraid of female sexuality than to oust your voter base

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u/Pylgrim Aug 18 '22

Also having a female (implied) protagonist is too woke because it's "forced inclusion".

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u/Nyurena Aug 17 '22

Yahweh: I will not punish you for your father's sins. Also Yahweh on the next page: I CURSE YOU AND ALL YOUR PROGENY!

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u/BlueAndMoreBlue Aug 17 '22

Yahweh? No way

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u/macphile Aug 17 '22

Yahweh or the highway!

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u/MisteriousRainbow Aug 17 '22

I mean it has incest, guys being fed to lions, genocide and etc...

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u/dartie Aug 17 '22

oh and pedos galore

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u/AxelShoes Aug 17 '22

My personal favorite is still the part where a group of kids make fun of the prophet Elisha for being bald, so God sends two bears to maul forty-two of the kids to death. It's just such a crazy unexpected twist ending! Like imagine being one of those kids. "Haha, wasn't that fun calling that old guy 'baldy'? Let's go get some snacks. OMFG A BEAR WTF AHHHHHHHHHH!"

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u/Arigato_MrRoboto Aug 17 '22

I think it's official. Texas is the dumbest fucking state. For a while, Florida seemed to hold the lead, but I'm becoming convinced Texas is winning.

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u/WantedMan61 Aug 17 '22

Florida is definitely weirder. Texas seems dumber on the whole. But Missouri...something really sinister-stupid about that place.

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u/nagemada Aug 17 '22

Missouri's best export is it's best people.

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u/NoWingedHussarsToday Aug 17 '22

Somebody once said that it's difference of weirdness type. Florida has individual weirdos who get high on meth and try to have sex and/or fight alligators while Texas has people banding together and do crazy stuff as a group.

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u/hanimal16 Aug 17 '22

I read “sister-stupid” and got confused.

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u/BrotherMort Aug 17 '22

That would be Alabama if you want to bring incest into it

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u/MuscaMurum Aug 17 '22

Know why Alabama is always used for incest jokes? Because everyone forgets that Arkansas exists.

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u/CaptainJingles Aug 17 '22

Nah, I did social work in rural Missouri and there is more family fucking than one would expect. Ugh.

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u/gdsmithtx Aug 17 '22

You know why "reverse cowgirl" is so rare in Alabama?

You never turn your back on family.

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u/canikatthedisco Aug 17 '22

Mississippi sighs

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u/thrust-johnson Aug 17 '22 Silver

When you fall from the first rung no one notices much.

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u/EvlMinion Aug 17 '22

They deserve some credit for being the state the lawsuit that killed Roe came from, though.

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u/heirbagger Aug 17 '22

Sorry. :(((((((

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u/Socalwarrior485 Aug 17 '22

No worries. They still got "Girthiest State"

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u/Hesticles Aug 17 '22

I learned today that Mississippi has a murder rate per capita that’s 4x the national average.

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u/Pied_Piper_ Aug 17 '22

But librul cities!1!11!!

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u/Hesticles Aug 17 '22

Ask an American what the most dangerous city in America is and they’ll most likely say Chicago, but it doesn’t even crack the top 10 lol

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u/BabyYodasDirtyDiaper Aug 17 '22

Ask an American what the most dangerous city in America is and they’ll most likely say Chicago

Ask a Republican what the most dangerous city in America is, and they'll most likely say California.

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u/VILLIAMZATNER Aug 17 '22

"Mississippi, Goddamn"

-Nina Simone

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u/Professional-Paper62 Aug 17 '22

I'm just happy no one's talking about us right now, but it's only a matter of time lol

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u/Aceswift007 Aug 17 '22

Former Floridian, just wait. It's a dick measuring contest who's the most batshit conservative state, usually the other slaps back after a week or so

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u/Scrutinizer Aug 17 '22

It's a race to the bottom. Except there is no bottom.

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u/OrganicPrinciple130 Aug 17 '22

Oklahoma is coming up fast.

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u/flicthelanding Aug 17 '22

out of the fire and into the frying pan.

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u/BDT81 Aug 17 '22

Florida is crazy

Texas is stupid

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '22

But, like, willfully so. Which just makes it worse.

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u/elwebst Aug 17 '22

And proud of it!

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u/SynthPrax Aug 17 '22

Texas points at Mississippi.

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u/0thethethe0 Aug 17 '22

and gets the wrong state

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u/Killarogue Aug 17 '22

They're definitely competing for the top spot lol

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u/ledfox Aug 17 '22

"We're being persecuted!"

By whom?

"The people we elected!"

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u/Scrutinizer Aug 17 '22

In addition to being filled with subjects such as incest and sex, a young person who reads the book of Revelations might come to the conclusion that their life is not really worth planning for since God is going to burn the world anyway.

This is especially true if they go to a fundamentalist church that is constantly preaching that we are already in the end times.

Source: a recovering Baptist who is something of an underachiever.

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u/OctopusButter Aug 17 '22

I grew up in a pastor family, depressed as shit my whole life, as an adult I realize my parents' matra of "boy I can't wait to die and go to heaven" was not exactly healthy to have ingrained in my young mind.

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u/kishijevistos Aug 17 '22

Honestly the fact that you're still standing means you've achieved q lot already

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u/GadreelsSword Aug 17 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

I’m old enough to remember when banning books or trying to manipulate what’s in a library was an outrageous thing and most people in the nation would not have tolerated it.

Banning books was what oppressive governments like Nazi Germany & the Soviet Union did.

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u/LonelyGamer1337 Aug 17 '22

Anyone remember Fahrenheit 451?

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u/Solcaer Aug 17 '22

A book which is frequently banned in schools because it’s not all that christian

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u/blumpkinmania Aug 17 '22

How old are you? Conservatives/fascists/fanatical religionists have been banning and burning books since Gutenberg.

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u/EVEOpalDragon Aug 17 '22

someone should publish a redacted version of the bible , they would love that one.

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u/MattGdr Aug 17 '22

Thomas Jefferson has entered the chat:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jefferson_Bible

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u/Fake_William_Shatner Aug 17 '22

Well, technically, that's the New Testament without the miracles.

Not the Old Testament without the murder, mayhem and double-daughter diddling day.

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u/stankdog Aug 17 '22

One great thing I've heard was from Matt Dillahunty while interviewing someone who was advocating that the bible was not a bad read for kids:

"Well then can I pick out any verse from the bible and read it to your kids?"

The person immediately said no because "you wouldn't read them the appropriate verses"

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u/MikeJudgeDredd Aug 17 '22

I believe this is going to result in a law that says you can ban any book except the Bible in America, and regardless of what the US Constitution says, if it goes to the supreme court they're going to rule in favour. I really don't see Americans getting out of this fucking mess for long time.

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u/neopod9000 Aug 17 '22

The supreme court will allow the exception because of the separation of church and state. Because it's a religious text, they'll vote that they can't make a law prohibiting access to it.

Hopefully that will strike down the whole law onn1st amendment grounds though, since the state banning any books would be a violation of that. Probably not though.

The mistake we made was targeting the bible first. Should have had them ban the satanic bible or the quran.. that way, when it was challenged in the supreme court and held up, we could then remind them that the Bible is also in that list and have that banned too. They'd have a much harder time fighting it if there's already a precedent set.

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u/sammypants123 Aug 17 '22

Could be right. But it’s hard to know with the current SCOTUS. They seem not to give the slightest of shits about consistency, precedent, settled law or any of that malarkey.

They could happily allow a ban of the Quran and refuse one of the Bible. And explain with a decision full of irrelevant verbiage that convinces no one - because why should they bother trying to convince anybody?

The prevailing theory of jurisprudence in the SCOTUS is currently, “how you gonna stop us, losers?”.

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u/tanktametet-pwemskan Aug 17 '22

evolution doesn't happen overnight. sad to say.

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u/Scrutinizer Aug 17 '22

Yep. But one can devolve simply by tuning into Infowars or Fox News for about 15 minutes.

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u/MikeJudgeDredd Aug 17 '22

It is much easier and faster to just destroy things, likely why it's such a popular choice right now

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u/iamnotroberts Aug 17 '22

The bible condones incest, rape, mass murder, genocide, abortion, and even brutally ripping fetuses out of pregnant women, as a punishment directly commanded by god. It's a good thing that pro-lifers don't read the bible.

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u/bontakun82 Aug 17 '22

Yeah but if God says it's cool then it must be cool! /s

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u/Licorictus Aug 17 '22

Curb Your Enthusiasm theme plays in the distance

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u/ridemooses Aug 17 '22

It's almost like banning books, is stupid.

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u/Wbcn_1 Aug 17 '22

They found out Jesus wasn’t white.

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u/AyeCab Aug 17 '22

The last place you want to look for any moral teachings is the bible.

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u/gdsmithtx Aug 17 '22

“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”

-- Isaac Asimov

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u/ItsDominare Aug 17 '22

holy shit, a post that actually fits LAMF

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u/systemfrown Aug 17 '22

They'll figure out some bullshit justification to exempt it and it alone.

Something like "Due to it's pervasive and ubiquitous acceptance..."

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u/Divacai Aug 17 '22

Why? It just makes it easier to lie to the kids about what's in it if the kids can't reference it.

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u/Sky_Bart Aug 17 '22

Texas is stupid. How can we save our Austin friends? I feel so bad for them being stuck in the middle of stupidville.

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u/Lourenco_Vieira Aug 17 '22

A book that incentivates stoning women to death definitely isn't very OK

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u/drwookie Aug 17 '22

Next up - banning those nasty Arabic numerals and replacing them with good Roman-Christian ones. Texas will be XXV or XXX or years ahead of (checks notes) the Gauls, Visigoths, Vandals and all the other tribes. /s