r/self Oct 27 '22

Self is now limiting submissions to two per account in a rolling 24 hour period.

128 Upvotes

Hello all,

There seems to be a higher than normal number of users taking advantage of our previous unlimited submission policy, and for the most part spamming the queue with multiple submissions every day. Some of these are utter nonsense and do not really add much to this community. As a result we are now limiting the total number of submissions per user to 2 submissions during a 24 hour period. This includes deleted posts, so you cannot circumvent the limit.

If you have any questions or concerns, please comment in this thread.


r/self 5h ago

I hate that they don't have jobs

202 Upvotes

I am not hating on the people I will be talking about, just to clarify. I'm just extremely frustrated.

Four months ago, we opened our doors to two immigrant families. They're from the same culture we are.

Our home has a weird in-law suite addition with a fully finished basement. That's where the two families live (one upstairs, one downstairs).

The family that lives upstairs, they are working and going to school by now. They're being productive members of society.

However, the people in the basement have no work. They turn down job after job after job. They sit around doing nothing all day. They haven't really been learning English either.

It feels like they're mooching off of us. They pay a small rent (although they don't actually pay. They currently have a "loan" amount from us and the number is growing and growing monthly).

We have to pay for all the oil, electricity, water, gas, wifi,....

It just sucks. I hate seeing them home. I hate that it feels like they're like parasites, sucking money from us.

They refuse to get a job. We even gave them a car to use for free. They even had the guts to say "living in America isn't as easy as we thought it would be" and they don't even know how hard it is to live in America because they don't even work.

Originally, we told them they are welcome to stay as long as they want in order to save money for an apartment (meaning that they work and save money) but we didn't know they were this lazy.

My husband and I's families both immigrated to America. Both of our families built our lives up from dust, like many other immigrant families.

All I can say is, I can't wait for them to leave our house.

Edit- I should have mentioned that my husband and I were talking last night and husband said he would be telling them it's time to get a job. People who came from the same country a month ago already have jobs. They've had work authorization for MONTHS now and still aren't doing anything with it.


r/self 6h ago

I don’t think marriage is for me anymore (venting)

99 Upvotes

Back in 2016 I married my best friend. She was my first really serious girlfriend and my best friend and I wanted to have a celebration to give her a symbol of my love for her.

I won’t get into it too much of how it happened here, but she stopped loving me as she felt a wife should love a husband. (I’ve posted about it on here before if you want to read what happened, it’s an r/self post titled “I’m done feeling sorry for myself”). She’s pushing for a divorce so she can feel comfortable trying to find the next guy that she can spend her life with.

Dealing with my heartbreak, and losing everything I loved/still love in my life; my wife, full time shared custody with my children, my house, my dog, etc… (don’t feel sorry for me, I made a shitty decision and fucked everything up. I have nobody to blame but myself.)

This all has unfolded in front of me during the course of this last year. While I’ve been trying my best to handle this, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me. This marriage (and me fucking it up) has pretty much tainted the sanctity of the union entirely. I’m not saying that I will absolutely never get married again, but I would also be fine and happy if I never marry again. If I find someone new and she really wants to get married, I could be convinced to change my mind.

All of this to say I don’t think I’ll ever get married again. It just doesn’t seem worth it for me while I’m going through this divorce. 🤷‍♂️

I don’t judge those who want to get married and those who do get married, it’s just not for me anymore.

Edit- it seems as though my wording may have been a little confusing, but I do not regret getting married even a little bit. I regret shooting myself, I regret losing my connection through communication with her that lead to some harbored resentment on her end, I regret not being a better husband to my wife and father to our kids. I do not regret getting married to her, she has been, and always will be (to me) my hero/angel/muse/idol.


r/self 1d ago Sidevote

My mum is an "influencer" and I hate it!

657 Upvotes

My mum is quite popular on Instagram and YouTube (13k / 40k). She loves posting pictures and videos of her life which includes me and my dad. She often posts family pictures without asking me and my dad if we are okay with how we look in the pictures. I am insecure of my face and I hate how I look in pictures, yet she still posts pictures to her 11k followers without asking me for consent.

I'm in my late teens and my mother doesn't respect me enough or have the common decency to ask if I'm okay with a picture before posting it.

I keep asking her to delete a pictures of me I don't like and she gets extremely angry. I feel kind of bad but I never agreed to be part of this "influencer lifestyle" and I did not agree to let 13k to 40k people view videos and pictures of me and my private life. I did not agree to all my friends and relatives seeing the absolutely horrible pictures she posts of me.

I'm pretty sure she'll never quit social media and that's okay I guess but I wish she'd quit posting me all over her accounts. These are her accounts and her channels.

I don't need followers and likes to make me feel better about myself. I don't need validation from strangers on the internet to feel good about myself. Anyway that's all. Thanks for reading haha I know this was long af 😭


r/self 8h ago

Self absorbed friend

25 Upvotes

I’ve been friends with this girl for about a year now and every single hangout we have all she does is talk about herself and brag about all the things she has and can afford it’s so excessive. I can’t even get a word in and I don’t know how to handle this situation any advice is welcomed.


r/self 1d ago

How often do you masturbate? Is 1-3 times a day common? NSFW

613 Upvotes

I (f22) masturbate at least 1-3 times a day depending on my mood. Was wondering if other people do the same?

I think I’m on the higher end of average. I’m very curious about others!


r/self 4h ago

I’m going to die alone

9 Upvotes

Nobody wants to reach out to a depressed guy and definitely nobody wants to take him under her wing


r/self 13h ago

Dreamt of my late father last night

35 Upvotes

He passed in 2018 and anytime I have a dream about him it starts my grief cycle all over again like it just happened yesterday. I guess today is going to be a bummer.


r/self 5h ago

I've completely lost the ability to study.

7 Upvotes

I can't study like I used to. I no longer have the will to do it. It's such a burden. I always plan to start but I don't and I delay it more and more. I'll study after I do this, I'll study after I do that, I'll study after an hour, I'll start tomorrow, I'll study after I get home... but it doesn't happen.


r/self 1h ago

New fun prosthetic eye makes me feel like myself when I look in the mirror

Upvotes

I decided to ditch my natural looking prosthetic eye for a fun custom eye. It is easily the most liberating thing I’ve ever done. People still stare at me but now I’m not self conscious about it, I’ve never been happier!


r/self 1h ago

Thoughts on moving out of state? Good or bad idea? Also family dilemma if i do want to move out

Upvotes

I'm in the US and i've lived in my state for all my life and want to start living somewhere new. Afraid of actually going through with it due to most of my family friends is here. I also run into a problem if i do move out, i worry about my dads living situation which is ugly for the most part, for context he lives with his sister in an apartment sleeping on 3 chairs put together as a bed. Long story on how got into that situation. He works at restaurants as a waiter or dish washer so he doesnt make much money. Both of them have no retirement savings or even plans to retire. I don't know how to help this man and i will feel guilty if i move out of state knowing what i know. One day i want to atleast buy him a trailer home and then i'll feel better about moving. But not even sure if he'll be able to pay rent+HOA fees since his current rent is like 300 and sometimes asks me for money. What to do?


r/self 1h ago

As a man, how do you express your feelings instead of bottling them up?

Upvotes

r/self 4h ago

Spotting my high school band director in public after 15 years.

3 Upvotes

Band was a horrible experience for me. I couldn't play my instrument and was forced to continue because my mom liked attending concerts. I somehow made it through all four years of high school in the band. I was subjected to bullying and abuse from other kids and the director. I was constantly corrected and reprimanded for my mistakes. There was even physical abuse of punches and pokes by students. Every single day was hell for me! It got so bad that there were days that I would hid in the bathroom or go to the nurses office to avoid going to class. I can understand and forgive the students. They were kids but I refuse to forgive the director. He treated me like garbage and went out of his way to humiliate me.

I started working remote from a Panera in my town. I have seen him eating there twice so far. It was unexpected and brought up alot of painful memories. I swore that if I ever saw him again I would confront him. Doing this use to comfort me from all those painful memories. But that anger I feel isnt there anymore.... I dont even have the courage to confront him. I think its a sign of all the work I have done on myself over the years but me from a few years ago dreamed of this opportunity. I am conflicted on what to do.


r/self 2h ago

What's one thing that you shouldn't say at a wedding?

2 Upvotes

r/self 1d ago

Information that is useless but it is highly entertaining and rare NSFW

344 Upvotes

I start... Most planes are white. If they were painted in another color, they would weigh more, therefore they would consume more fuel and their maintenance cost would also increase.


r/self 5h ago

I apologized

3 Upvotes

I have depression and I have a habit I push away people when Im feeling extra mentally unwell. When I was 14-15, a little over a year ago, I did it to a friend who was very dear to me and our friendship quickly detoriorated.

I felt so much guilt ever since, and missed her a lot, I didnt mean to, i just always get scared that when my mental health gets bad ppl will get bored or annoyed of me and I push them away. I did that to her even tho I loved her dearly.

Today I apologized. Told her I was sorry for pushing her away and hurting her. She was a little cold and I feel she didnt forgive me but well.. i think im at peace with that. I did something bad, I dont deserve to be forgiven. She told me she understood and that it was ok and our conversation ended. I feel a little better now, knowing i did what i could even if our friendship will never return to what it was, Ill always treasure what we had. Im sorry, I love you.


r/self 3h ago

When someone makes you feel like everything you do is wrong. Need help explain to someone facing this problem.

2 Upvotes

I’ve faced this through school. And I’ve read up on it being a toxic personality when you can do nothing right in someone’s eyes.

Like they insult and belittle your every decision. Is there a specific word for this ? How can I explain this better to a person in similar situation ?


r/self 9m ago

Finding a dentist?

Upvotes

I have a major dentist phobia.. I haven’t been in 6 years so I obviously need to go.. how do I find a dentist that is going to be sensitive to my likely to happen panic attack? Do I just have to wing it? I hate this.


r/self 1d ago

I am definitely in the mood but can't get it up for my wife! NSFW

494 Upvotes

This has been happening a lot lately. We'll lay down to do something and I'll be all over her(I find my wife hot) and she'll start messing with me and little dude won't wake up!! Sadly, I want to so bad! I'm 37 and this is a relatively new problem.


r/self 23m ago

So many guys I know have been trying to visit me ever since I moved to Florida. I’m tired of it.

Upvotes

Every girl gets weird messages from guys. It’s not abnormal. But so many guys are pushy or overboard. I’ve recently moved to Florida and once in a while I’ll post up the ocean or what I’m doing on Instagram. Yada yada. Nothing different than anyone else posting up what they’re doing.

I get influxes of guys who try to make conversation with me about where I live now (weaseling their way into talking to me). These aren’t randos but guys I’ve met long ago or know of, etc. they aren’t strangers. And I’ll get messages like “If I came to Florida for a short visit would you like to hang out?”.

I’ve gotten this at least 10 times now in the last few months. I either say “no” or ignore them or I’ll block them if they don’t lay off. I can’t imagine having the audacity to write that to some guy. Where I’m from (the northeast), they LOVE Florida and knowing a girl they like is now living there is a perfect combination for them. It’s like they get to be here and try to screw me at the same time. It’s disgusting. I told my coworker about this who is from New England too and she said that when she came down here too suddenly everyone wanted to visit or hang out. But it’s men who ask (not women or course). It’s like oh cute girl, get to visit the beach too… win win. And I think in their minds they think it’s an easy way to F me and then leave with no strings attached. It’s something, I don’t even know. But it’s been happening so much it’s unreal.

It’s creepy and I never saw anything like this until I moved here.

So I just don’t respond or block every guy like this now. It’s gotten weird. Ever since I moved down here it’s happened A LOT!


r/self 24m ago

I will never let my mental health ruin my relationships ever again

Upvotes

I’ve been in therapy for almost a year now. I haven’t sought out medications yet, but that is my next step.

Last year, I had a revelation of sorts. After a long couple weeks of panic attacks and debilitating anxiety, I came to terms with the fact that I had a serious mental health problem (OCD, anxiety, anger/irritability, inattentiveness, etc).

The signs were always there. Some of them going back as far as elementary school. I didn’t really understand the severity of them at the time.

I thought I was normal. I’ve hurt family, friends, and partners.

I’ve made a vow to myself to never let my mental health get out of my control again. I’ll likely be dealing with it for the rest of my life, but I’d rather be in therapy and on medications forever if it means protecting the people I love and care about the most from myself.

I live by this quote: “My illness is not my fault, but it is my responsibility.”

For anyone that struggles with mental health, please know that you are stronger than your illness. You have to be stronger for yourself and your family.

Best wishes and much love to everyone that reads this.


r/self 17h ago

I'm planning my own funeral, and I wanna put the fun in funerals.

24 Upvotes

Before anything, no, I (18) am NOT depressed or anything. I'm writing down my last will (I need it for legal stuff), and I decided to dedicate a chunk of it on my funeral. If this is the last thing that I'd ever need, I might as well be thorough with it. I'm planning a non-religious and fun funeral. I wanna put the fun in funeral. Casual clothes are expected, no sad music, a decent buffet, a dramatic will reading to the style of a telenovela (complete with lotto style cheques for the lucky heirs), and a dance party. I don't want eulogies and have decided to replace it with a viewing of selected Golden Girls episodes.

I'll allow the burial to be somber, but no sad music. I've made my playlists. I'll be laid to rest with the Golden Girls theme tune in the background. I wanted Cher and Carly Rae Jepsen to be playing at the procession. I know I can't force people to be happy when I die, but I can at least try.

I just find this a little ironic. I spent most of my teenage years wanting to die, was horribly depressed and didn't care anymore. I did a really good job hiding it though. I have since gotten therapy, and I'm now doing rather well. I now don't want to die. I'm not scared of death, but I wouldn't want it now. I currently have a few not-super-serious diseases, but I know when I hit my 20s, they'll get worse. I'm saving up and working towards a job enough to retire well, if by some odd reason that I live past 30. I spent so much of my prime years wanting to die, and now I don't.

I really do believe that society needs to be more death sensitive. Anyone can die at any time, and people should be better prepared and know what will happen to them after they die. I also believe in more fun funerals. Funerals should be more of a celebration.


r/self 43m ago

Stop staring at me from the door mom, I know you are there

Upvotes

creepy ass bitch


r/self 48m ago

Just about every hand you have shaken has had a penis in it.

Upvotes

r/self 8h ago

I messaged all of my old girlfriends insane things during a severe sickness and I need help talking to one of them.

5 Upvotes

This happened over the last two months and I still can’t believe it and have no idea how to address it. So I wanted to see what the internet collective thinks. Earlier this year my entire family got really sick for several weeks. However, it affected me differently than the rest of my family. I had insomnia for 3 days and really weird mental problems where I felt like I was back in high school with my old friends. I know it sounds crazy but it was really scary because I was not in control of myself and I was acting so out of character. Around noon on day 3 of insomnia I called my wife to come get me because I was having a hard time processing what was going on around me, my heart was racing, my eyes were dilated, and I had muscle tremors. She was pretty panicked too once she saw me and took me to the Doctor. A bunch of tests were done and I was given tranquilizers to slow everything down and get some sleep. About a week later I met with the Dr. and the conversation went something like this:

 

Dr: “good news all the tests are normal and since you don’t have a history of mental illness my opinion is that this is a manic attack that was caused by inflammation in your brain from this sickness you had. It’s rare, but it should subside in the next 1-3 months and if not you will need to see psychiatry. Sooo, tell me, what did you do?”

S-C: “What do you mean?”

Dr: “Well when people don’t sleep for 3 days on a manic episode they do crazy things. What did you do?”

S-C: “Ughhh. I called, texted, and facebook messaged old friends really weird incoherent sometimes messed up things.”

Dr: “That’s it?”

S-C: “Well no, I also messaged all of my old girlfriends insane things. Like really insane things where I thought I was a teenager back in college again or even in those relationships again. The worst was a girl/now mother that I haven’t spoken to in ~20 years. I can’t stop thinking about this. It is mortifying. How do I talk to people about this?”

Dr: “You’re fine. Really. Often when this happens to people they go to a really negative place in their heads and act out by running away from home, hurting themselves, or even hurting their family members. Trust me you are very VERY lucky and don’t stress everything is ok.”

 

Here’s the thing, all of my old girlfriends or relationships I had that blurred the lines between hooking up and dating I still talk to, or have some open thread of communication with. So for the most part, they just messaged me back asking things like “are you ok?”, “do I need to talk to your wife?”, or “what the fuck is wrong with you?” So after I got back on my feet it was pretty easy to explain. Except for this one girl, Jade (not her real name).

 

Jade was a friend from high school that I ended up dating for a short period of time in college and I got completely upside down with her. I made EVERY mistake in the book with her, because I was so immature and a complete insecure idiot at the time. Basically, she broke up with me and never talked to me again. I honestly have zero idea what happened to her and when that ended it stuuung bad. I always felt soo guilty about that one for a whole host of reasons. Another point was that I lost a group of friends from that too and it really sucked because I didn’t/don’t have a great relationship with my parents and that circle of friends at that time took the place of the family I didn’t have. Honestly, I haven’t thought about this in decades until this whole manic episode happened. For reference, I am almost 40 have an amazing family, and this happened at 18/19. To make matters worse, by some cosmic coincidence I happened to send all of these insane messages to her on her birthday. She actually did respond at first, but in the state I was in I can’t remember what she wrote. I remember responding with more insane messages and she blocked me, which is what any well-adjusted human being should have done.

 

Now, this is all I can think about. How can I explain this to her? Is it even worth trying? She must think I’m some insane ex-bf that remembered her birthday after 20 years and is trying to get back with her or something. It’s especially mortifying because we are both parents now with families (at least I think she is married with kids). It’s really up-ending my life. I can’t stop thinking about what would happen if we crossed paths in real life somehow. She would probably scream and run away from me or call the cops or something. I can’t think clearly or focus on work and it’s basically a severe anxiety inducing circular thought at this point. Also, I now have a profound sense of empathy for those that suffer from anxiety or other mental health issues. I can’t believe some of you have to deal with this regularly throughout your lives; I’m so sorry.

 

So what are your thoughts on this? I have no idea how to contact her to explain or she probably doesn’t even want to talk to me. Do I even try? How do I stop thinking about this and get on with my life?


r/self 1h ago

A scene from a movie where the protagonist obliterates a bunch of old people in a nursing home and then finds out they were all nazis ... Help me.

Upvotes

I can't remember where it's from and it's driving me insane