Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?
No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.
But what about the subreddit name?
Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.
What about trans women?
Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.
What are the rules, anyway?
TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.
You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules
Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.
*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.
For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.
I (26F) have been married to my husband (28M) for around 3 years now. I have always known and been fine with him masturbating and am aware that he uses blankets to catch his load. He has a gaming room that he has a specific blanket he uses but also would use another smaller blanket or his own for our bedroom before work or on weekends. We use separate blankets as we have different preferences and it works really well. He has a fleece blanket that he uses and i have a down comforter.
A few months back I noticed crunchy spots as I would readjust my blanket at night and decided I would bring it up while he was in a good mood. I casually said I knew he was using my blanket and asked him to stop. He did for a few weeks but it started back up over time. Currently I take my blanket out of the room with me as I tried moving it onto my side of the bed on the floor but he would go get to to complete his mission. I wake up with our little one a couple hours before he does every weekend (a whole other issue) so he uses that time with my blanket if he gets the opportunity.
The problem is I am very non-confrontational and even bringing it up the first time took some building up to. I cry at the first start of any high emotion (both sad and happy) even with coping mechanisms I have learned along the way and I feel weak because of it. If he has already not listened with me asking nicely how would you recommend asking again? How can I even reprimand that if he doesn't listen?
Anyone have any recommendations for building confidence in uncomfortable conversations?
I have told my partner of 3 years I am moving out. While I sit in this Uber ride home, I just needed to vent to a loving community who unfortunately knows this feeling all too well.
For three years I have been scrubbing the toilets, changing the bed sheets, making the bed, vacuuming, mopping, picking up after the dog, cleaning and putting away the dishes. He’s 33 and he has not made the bed a single time. Last time I bought this up he said I was making him lazy because I wasn’t having sex with him. I struggle to find a man sexually attractive while I double as their cleaner. Separate issue, I know.
Last weekend I finally put my foot down. The nerves haven’t hit me yet which scares me, as I know the loneliness and doom will hit hard all at once.
I want to be excited about this but I am so so scared. Yet parallel to that I also feel so empowered and motivated to take on this huge change.
Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp signals he is open to banning plan B contraception. We told you this would happen. The only way to stop this is to vote like hell & remove every single Republican from office. Stacey Abrams can defeat this fool… if we get to work. Don’t let the Christian Taliban win, ladies!jezebel.com
I know this sub is explicitly non-discriminatory. Everyone is welcome. But so, so often a woman will show up here to share her perspective, and guys will jump in to say "but from a man's perspective it's like this," or "have you tried talking to him?" or "I would never do that, I behave in an opposite and good way!"
Men lurk here, or posts go to the front page, and a small but corrosive minority shows up to actively undermine the OP. It ends up being more of a debate sub than a support sub.
And I fully expect the same thing to happen to this post.
Edit: I would like to explicitly request that this post be locked. The people who get it get it, the people who don't don't. The comment section has enough harassment that I'm not going to be looking at any more notifications.
Of the responses I got, I am exceptionally in favor of the notion that there should be a women's subreddit with a women-only mode for when things get heated, or upon request, like when someone makes a *support* post. Until that happens the 15-20% of misogynistic redditors will make every pro woman post an unworkable cesspool. (I'm being specific in saying that--I've made a few posts here and that's always the percentage of downvotes.)
Most of you are great, but that percentage is high enough that posting here is an unpleasant experience.
Just checking in with a quick update since a few people have asked for one. If you need the backstory, I’ve posted a couple other times before today.
My husband has not been able to contact me because of my new phone number. My work was able to give me a new email address as well, which he doesn’t have.
Things were mostly quiet until Friday, when an envelope showed up in my school mailbox with my name on it and no return address. Inside was the letter I had left for him detailing why I was leaving him and why I was going about it the way I was. He had handwritten some things to me at the end.
Basically, he said he would respect my wishes not to contact me. He was going to tell everyone back home that I had been tempted by the devil and was abandoning him. It said that he was only ever trying to save his soul and my soul from hell. He wrote that he was sad a little, but that he was mostly disappointed I was walking away from our most sacred bond and from my even more sacred bond with God. He wrote that in God’s eyes, we would always be married, and that no legal court or lawyers could put an end to that. He finished that thought by telling me I had better not date, kiss, sleep with, or marry someone else, because then I’d be irredeemably sinning. It closed with “God still loves you, I hope you see the error of your ways.”
I have to be honest, it made me a little bit sad in the moment. I’m trying to be strong and do what I know is best and right for me, but that brought up a lot of feelings of guilt and shame. I was able to talk through some of that with my co-worker as he drove me to his sister’s house after work. I start therapy in about a week, so I hope to also work out those feelings then, too.
As for how the living arrangements have been. They have been kind of awesome so far. We have dinner together every night and chat and enjoy one another’s company. They have a lovely little girl who has taken a liking to me. I offered to pay them rent money and help out around the house when I can. They absolutely refuse to take any money from me, but said that I could help out wherever or whenever I thought I needed to.
I’m still getting used to trying to be independent and thinking for and of myself first. I have to say, I kind of like it!! Lol. Even though it’s not always the easiest, and I have many moments of doubts, sadness, and loneliness, I really am doing ok.
…if that’s what they are?
The latest Tinder stats:
They only have themselves to blame.
I was walking into Publix and a guy walking past me stopped and said, "Hey, you look really nice!" I've never had a guy actually compliment me without obviously having an agenda. It wasn't a creepy comment or a catcall!! He just told me, and I thanked him, and we both moved on. It made my day. I'm going to be riding this high for the next year.
I just think about all the assholes I hear saying that women just can't take a "compliment" when they're really being harassed. Can you imagine if their "compliments" were actually just sincere and well-intentioned?
I wish it was more normalized to try to uplift others like that. Just one little kind comment can make someone's week.
It's not just one or two comments, it's a hell of a lot of them, from both male and female presenting profiles.
I dont even care if the post itself is fake or not, why are we tolerating that level of sexism in here. What century are we in where couples don't masturbate, or where we blame women for not putting out enough to explain a man's disrespectful and disgusting behavior towards her.
What the fuck yall. What the fuck.
Go to pornhub at any time. You straight up have a hard time finding videos that don't advertise that the girl is a teen. And forget women over 30 pretty much entirely. And I don't know what to think about it. On the one hand, I'm not against sex workers, per se, but I am usually against their clients. And I'm absolutely against the commodification of female bodies, particularly in a way that treats them as goods that expire like milk.
I work in a small office and I am the assistant to one of the attorneys. He is always very nice to me and appreciative of my work. Sometimes I feel like he is a little bit too friendly but I always brush it off. He has never done or said anything inappropriate. I do, however, feel a little bit uncomfortable when he shows me too much appreciation like bringing me several little gifts when he came back from a vacation. We have also gone to lunch together, which does not make me uncomfortable because it is during work hours.
Well, two days ago, we were talking just the two of us in the office and he asked me if I had any plans for the weekend. I told him that I was planning to go out of town but it was canceled, so I had literally no plans. He then asked me if I wanted to go hiking, and since he asked me in person I said “oh sure.” I find it very hard to say no in person, especially since I had no excuse. He said that he would pick me up from my house on Saturday morning. We have never hung out outside of work, except when he helped me move from one apartment to another (but a friend of mine and my dad were there).
I genuinely think that he is a nice guy, but I do think that he is crossing a boundary by asking me to go hiking with him by myself on a weekend. Do you think that he is just trying to be nice? Or am I justified in feeling uncomfortable?
I would genuinely never worry about being alone with him in the office, but I don’t see why a 60-year-old man would want to hang out with me alone outside of work. I already texted him that I couldn’t go and made up some excuse. Is that the right thing to have done?
Edit: Thank you so so much to everyone commenting. I wish I could respond to all of them but I really have read them all and appreciate all of you giving me advice. It makes me feel so much better.
Just for some extra context, I call him my boss because he is an attorney at the office and I am a legal assistant (his assistant). But he is not actually my direct supervisor and could not fire me. My direct supervisor is the legal director and she is a woman who would probably have him fired just for asking me to go hiking, so I feel very supported there. I don’t want to tell her because I don’t think it’s gotten to the point of me being uncomfortable enough for that yet. But I know that I would be supported within my organization if it came to that.
Woke up to a notification asking me if I want to fill a survey. It's Saturday, why not, and to my surprise it's a survey about the report system!
You know, the reports that admins never take actions on. The reports that never get misogynistic or racist comments deleted. The reports that make it insanely hard to get revenge porn subreddits banned.
Use your voice and we'll see if they actually listen to women complaining about the toxicity of this platform this time. The survey took me about 4 minutes, FYI.
Edit: u/eatsnacksinbed was nice enough to share the link to the survey - https://survey.alchemer.com/s3/6963909/4fee4de8c0ac
I did this years ago, been in therapy trying to get over being the daughter of such an asshole
So yesterday I was at the supermarket, trying to go into self checkout but they were all in use so I stopped and waited in line when this asshole who reminded me of my father came up, stood way too close to me and said "go ahead" in a condescending tone as if I'm an idiot who doesn't understand how to do anything without an incredibly intelligent person like him telling me what to do.
Years ago that would've intimidated me, it would've ruined my entire day but yesterday I just deadass looked him in the eye and said in the most sarcastic tone possible "where would you suggest?" waving my hand at all the occupied self checkout machines. He had no words but decided to stand next to me, looking at me, instead of behind me in line because he's still trying to intimidate me. I know this game and I decided I'm going to win it for once in my life so I turn to him and loudly ask "why don't you stand behind me in line like a normal person?" with the sweetest smile on my face. Dude turned beet red.
I think I'm finally starting to get over the weight of the abuse my dad put me through and I've never felt so free
Every time I post about my sons father or mention that his dad is a deadbeat I get the question/comment “well you chose his father” “you didn’t know he’d be a deadbeat before you got pregnant?”
I’ll say I’m “lucky” that I have a good “excuse”. I was 14 and he was 18 when our son was born. It was an abusive relationship. When I bring this up it shuts them up, which I’m glad because I don’t have to “justify” anything.
But what about the men that play up being a good man just to shut down and distance himself once the baby is born?
What about the men who were almost perfect until their alcoholism destroyed them and all the relationships they had?
What about the men that just got bored and decided this life isn’t for them?
What about the men that baby trapped someone then when that baby didn’t work to keep her under his thumb, he decided he wanted nothing to do with the child?
Why is it always the womans fault that she’s a single mom??
I hardly ever see a man talking about his bitter babymama and comments saying “well you chose your baby’s mother” and “you had to have known she’d be like this before you got her pregnant”.
It infuriates and disgusts me.
Before I met my boyfriend, I was used to strange reactions by men when I said I was a virgin. There was a time when I was like 16 and 17 where I used to sext with weirdos twice my age or older because I thought I needed male validation since guys around me wouldn't pay any attention to me and it made me insecure.
Well, enter a genuinly good guy and a lot more self respect and I realized just how creepy it all was.
They would become obsessed with the fantasy of taking my virginity. Even when just talking about my vagina it had to be my "virgin pussy". Apart from coincidentally also liking school girl outfits and pigtails and how "tiny" I was compared to them and other things associated and sexualized about young girls rather than young women, something these men had in common was that they keot talking about wanting to "take my anal virginity before my actual virginity. That woulf be so hot!".
Generally my virginity in their fantasy was never something to be considerate of, but something to get off of by putting me in positions even sexually experienced women may find off putting.
"I want to make you whimper" or "I'd bring my friends and we'd destroy you and make it a first time you'll remember" were comments I got used to when these guys described what thoughts they were jerking off to.
I remember when I told my boyfriend I was virgin because I was insecure about it since he was far more sexually experienced, it was almost strange to me that he had no sexual reaction to that. It wasn't something that turned him on, but rather just something he promised me he would be considerate of and he just comforted me telling me that it's okay and that we can take it all at my pace. That he'd make sure I felt loved and cared for before anything else.
It felt good to be comforted by him, but for second there I almost felt insecure that he didn't fetishize that as one more thing about me he could find attractive perhaps. But then the realisation hit of how this was actually the normal, respectful response to wish for over what I was used to.
It's just bizarre how normal some grown ass men think it is to be immensly turned on by virginity. Especially if you consider that the average age for an American girl for example to lose her virginity is 17.
If you are not impaired in some way, you need to pick up after yourself. Your mother shouldn't even have to do it. You need to make your own decisions and appointments. You need to fix your own problems. I am not here to serve you. I have to do these things for myself already. It doesn't bring me enjoyment to make you my responsibility. I don't have the capacity. If you want a friend, it goes both ways. You are never entitled to sex. I must get something back for putting in all the work. I am not a servant. I can't love or respect someone who doesn't love and respect back and especially who doesn't love themselves. And if you think it would be too difficult to leave, remember how difficult it already is not to. At least one way stops being difficult.
By being unconditional, you are subjecting yourself to a lifetime of loyal servitude and your happiness be damned.
And let me tell all of you, I will never give a man the time of day who works in politics that works for a candidate who could care less about me as a woman. Besides the fact that Herschel Walker is as dumb as a box of rocks, he is violent and murderous towards women.
The man I matched with told me in conversation he works for the campaign on Walker’s team as his job. It started a conversation about it and I told him I’d never vote for Walker for that reason alone amongst the list of other reasons. You know what this fucker said to me in response to the fact Walker held a gun to his wife’s head and said he was going to blow her brains out?? This piece of shit white man trash told me, “well, he already admitted to that way before he ran for office and is open about his mental health issues.” Um and what ya dumb fuck?? Is that some type of excuse like that shit didn’t happen or doesn’t matter now or that I give a single damn about that man’s mental health?? Someone like that doesn’t need to be in office making decisions on behalf of me and everyone else. I don’t care what he does with his life but it shouldn’t be that! I told the man I’ll pass on dating him because of that response as well as I clearly can’t trust someone or think very much of his ethical values to make his living working for a violent man who should truthfully be in prison or a psych ward. Politics very much do matter in dating especially since politics is so enmeshed these days with hurting vast groups of people.
We are on the 9th day of Iran's mass protests against the regime with our main slogan: "women, life, and freedom". At the moment, Oshnavieh is the first city where people have been able to completely evacuate the town from the government troops, which makes it the first city in 44 years that has been freed!
Incel Comumunity is Terrorist OrganizationIt's not in our heads. The world for women even in our 1st world lives is getting more dangerous, not less. Roevember is coming: VOTE.
Additional nonpaywall links below.
"The report, by the Center for Countering Digital Hate’s new Quant Lab, is the culmination of an investigation that analyzed more than 1 million posts on the site.... According to the CCDH analysis, members of the forum post about rape every 29 minutes, and more than 89 percent of posters support rape and say it’s acceptable. The CCDH analysis also found that posters on the forum are seeking to normalize child rape. More than a quarter of members of the forum have posted pedophilia keywords, the analysis found, and more than half of the members of the forum support pedophilia...
Imran Ahmed, founder and CEO of CCDH, a US-based nonprofit: “Our study shows that it is organized, has a cogent ideology and has clearly concluded that raping women, killing women, and raping children is a clear part of the practice of their ideology.”"
We had been engaged for about a year the wedding was meant to happen two months from now. Our relationship had been pretty rocky, a lot of trust issues, paranoia, jealousy, insecurity on his part. In turn my anger often came out as I was frustrated with being lied to and constantly being accused of things that were not true. I should have known better as this was a trend in his past relationships as well, but I thought that I could 'fix' him I guess. Anyways, after deciding that I would give it one LAST go, I found out that I was pregnant.
We got 2 medical abortions, both were unsuccessful - I had fever for 4 days waiting for it to pass, and throughout I received a lot of arguing and hateful words on his part. The day of my surgical abortion he was meant to leave for his bachelor trip, I had asked him to postpone a day or two so he could be there with me. However, he didn't. I tried to be okay with this. My brother took me and I had quite a traumatic experience, but was glad it was over. I called him on his trip to ask for some words of comfort, but he was busy partying on a different continent with his friends - he had stayed up three days visiting various clubs and taking drugs while I cried in my bed, hiding from my parents, unable to sleep, and having constant flashbacks from the experience. I felt totally abandoned. He called me selfish and unreasonable. I hadn't slept in days, my body was unable to recover, my fever was high.
I broke up with him while he was on the trip. He didn't believe me. I officially called off the wedding. This is when he booked a flight home and pretty much started love-bombing me- I refused to speak to him. Two days later I went for a checkup to the clinic, and alas, the surgical abortion had been unsuccessful because the doctor had missed out the fact that I had twins which she missed on the ultrasound (I live in a country where there are very minimal resources to conduct abortions - considered a taboo). I called him (bad choice) and he asked me to meet him, the second I saw him I realized that I didn't want his help with this, he shamed me and said that I was being irrational for ending the wedding and that the things that were hurting our relationship were "normal in any relationship" and we "just had to find a way to figure it out".
I didn't speak to him, he called me from various numbers on my work phone, my phone, he texted my parents. Left me nasty messages saying that I was a "50 year old hag" with "saggy tits" and he "had fucked girls that were so much better than me". All while I was still dealing with the fact that his child was inside of me. I tried to maintain my cool and spoke calmly.
I blocked him from everywhere possible, and reached out to his sister to tell him stop harassing me. The messages and calls ended. I went this morning for the second surgical abortion, which again was quite traumatic and took me a while to settle in and get done. He's now messaging me saying he wants to be there for me - but I just can't let him have that satisfaction.
I'm feeling lost that I lost my best friend, my fiancé, my wedding plans, and 4 attempted abortions later, 2 clusters of cells inside of me. I know I've made the right decision, but it hurts.
I have a really strong support system (most of whom live away from me) that have been there throughout this for me. I know I've made the right decision, but I just can't help miss him and deal with so much loss in one go.
I'm in therapy, will start exercise and yoga as soon as my body is healed, been trying to eat healthy, spending time with my family, journaling, staying on top of work, doing everything I can to get over this chapter in life.
Just feel so dumb for not having ended it earlier - like the universe is testing me.
UPDATE: I looked at our security cameras and saw he hasn’t let our dogs out all day. I text him asking to and he refused until I came home. Said they’re my responsibility. His brother (I am staying with my in-laws) and I drove k we there at midnight tonight to take my dogs out and I will be leaving with them tomorrow. This was the final straw. Me and my kids are safe. Life will be hard for a few weeks/months but I have a good support system. I already feel some relief.
He was drinking last night. I came home from my daughter’s basketball game and told him I ran into an old colleague at the game and gave him my business card. We chatted briefly and that was that. No exchange of numbers or anything. I was there watch my kiddo and he was there for his niece and with his extended family.
When I told my partner (not married but everything is joint) he lost his shit. He accused me of cheating, called me a whore, multiple times in front of my kids and his son. He said sexually graphic things about me and degraded me in front of my children.
We left and stayed at a hotel (to which his response was “that’s where whores stay).
We own a business together, today I didn’t go to the office. I did my job remotely.
This afternoon he texts me like nothing happened. When I told him all the terrible things he said to me and about me he said he didn’t remember and he is sorry “if he hurt my feelings”. IF
I have never cheated and have been loyal to him and the life we have created. His ex wife cheated.
He degraded and humiliated me in front of my kids. I am scared, at this point, if I go back my teens won’t respect me. They were appalled by his behavior, but also knew he was drunk too.
I feel violated, degraded, hurt, humiliated… and honestly kinda in shock. I’m not angry. I just feel done.
He will make my life a living hell if I leave. We have a lot of assets together. I stayed in a hotel last night but not sure where to go tonight. He tells me to come home, but I no longer feel safe with.
I am too old for this shit.
Edit: we went through something similar about a year or so ago, and the year before that. Then he will stop drinking or not drink as much, then the cycle starts all over again.
With the recent protests that are happening in Iran and around the world stemming from the killing of Mahsa Amini, a 22 year old woman who was beaten to death by the hijab police in Iran for not wearing her hijab correctly, I want to bring awareness to the lack of rights women have in Iran.
- Women are required to dress in a way that covers their hair and skin except for their face and hands in public at all times. Violators will be arrested, facing up to two months in prison as well as fines.
- A man has the right to ban his wife from her employment, or prevent her from seeking employment.
- Women are not allowed to have sex before marriage.
- Women who are single are not allowed to book a hotel room by themselves.
- Women are unable to marry without permission from their father.
- Women cannot file for divorce from their spouse (or can do so only under special circumstances), whereas men can do so freely and unilaterally.
- Women, if married, are restricted from traveling abroad without their husband's permission.
- When it comes to inheritance, a man is granted his deceased wife's entire state, while a widow receives only 1/8th of her husband's estate. Further, a son is legally entitled to inherit twice as much as a daughter.
- A divorced woman has less rights to the custody of her children than a man. If a divorced woman remarries, she loses all custody of her children, even if the husband is dead.
- A man has the right to unilaterally determine where he, his wife and family will live.
- Women are not allowed to have certain occupations such as judges or certain leaders of government.
- Women's sports are not allowed to be broadcast on television.
There are many other laws and practices that restrict women's rights in Iran, these are simply some of the bigger ones. Any help in spreading awareness of what's happening could go a long way!
Women aren't taken seriously in any capacity in patriarchal society. In order for justice to be served with women who do wrong, women need to be taken seriously.
That's it. That's the post.
ETA: I just want to say that I say crimes in the broadest sense of the word. Anyone who wants to bring sexual assault into the conversation should remember my statement here: Women should be taken seriously. Both as an accused and accuser.